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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The perfect white Lie

I have to say women are sometimes prone to saying stupid things like:

"Karen, what do you think of Jane's new hat, isn't it wonderful?"

You think it looks hideous. But you don't want Jane to hate you forever.

The *perfect* answer?

"It suits her!" [said with enthusiasm.]

You're not lying, because you think Jane deserves a hat uglier than mortal sin.

A long time ago, I knew a young musician working on his master's degree. The musician had excellent taste. Some of his professors were into the kind of "music" which consisted of random noise from tire chains, thrown trash cans and the sound of dental drilling. He was often invited to these "concerts. "

His stock statement in backstage chatter after a performance was to shake the professor's hand and say "Your performance tonight was even more astonishing than the last. You've outdone yourself."

They never caught on.


Packrat said...

hahahahaha love it.

Dino said...

In the Army, medical personnel were instructed, when a proud new parent was gushing about their beautiful newborn (many of which tend to look much alike and resemble a red prune for the first day), to respond with a strong, "Yes," and then add, it IS a baby."
Worked like a charm. Only the "Yes" registered.

gemoftheocean said...


Don't you guys love these?

Dino, once an Old Salt Navy man I knew said that when he was stationed on base that a young boot ensign, all of 21 or 22 just out of the academy was getting Married and had just come back from getting his blood tested prior to his wedding, the "Old Salt" [who was senior to him] said "Hey, the med. staff just called to say you left so quick they didn't get a chance to get your pap smear done." The young feller rushed off to the on base clinic again, and came back red faced. "summbitch!"

Stephen said...

Or my favourite post-performance theatre comment (which I'm ashamed/proud to admit I've used more than once): "You were/that was unbelievable. No, really, I mean it!"

Anonymous said...

I'm using that!

gemoftheocean said...

Stephen, don't forget to add:

"I wish you could have SEEN yourself! [you total jackass, you! ;-D ]

gemoftheocean said...

Stephen, don't forget to add:

"I wish you could have SEEN yourself! [you total jackass, you! ;-D ]

Stephen said...

Or - "Well! You've done it again!"

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