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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

It's been a long time since I posted.  It's been a rough year for me, some of you already know this, some don't:  I've been in England for a year and a month now.  A fellow blogger, 'Dominic Mary' of Libera-Me-Domine blog and I had fallen in love, and had become engaged.  We didn't tell many people, because though we were engaged, we'd not met in real life, and we didn't want to look foolish if it turned out we were not right for each other -- but we'd talked for hours via Skype every day.   Last October, I came over for a 12 week visit.  Basically, we confirmed we were, in fact, 'right' for each other.  I was due to come back to San Diego, where we'd hoped to be married this last year in summer.  Well, we DID get married, on Jan 31st,  but not the way we'd planned it.

A few days before I was due to leave for home, Quentin was diagnosed with a stage 4 terminal brain cancer.    He'd had an 'episode' of seizure like symptoms over the summer, but allegedly, 'they saw nothing.'  [We'd NEVER gotten to see those scans, after repeated requests.  But believe me, I am going to pursue this under the law and they will have to cough them up, and if there IS something there, I will sue them for every last bedpan, because his treatment was delayed by 6 months when nothing was done, and it might still have been operable.]    The tumor was so large, it was inoperable.  Multiforme glioblastoma.  How long did Q have?  Weeks, months?  50% die within the year with what he had, only 2-3% make it for 2-3 years, if they are very lucky.  If I left the country then, odds were I wouldn't get back in.  There was no way I was leaving him with no one to care for him.  Q had no siblings, no children, and octogenarian parents.  Q had an annulment in progress, but we had to take advantage of a special quirk in English law and get married in the C of E, via special license, and later try and go for a ratiocination in the Catholic church.  To say this made my visa status here complicated is an overwhelming understatement.  It's STILL being sorted out, with the home office finally ruling in our favor, finally figuring out: 'no one decides to get a stage 4 cancer to try and get around the immigration rules...they deserve this on human rights.'    Literally the last day for the home office to appeal the ruling in our favor was the day Q died, Oct 21st.  I should get my stamp 'shortly' though the judge had marked it 'urgent.'

There doesn't seem like there's much for me to celebrate this year.  But there is.  I had Q for exactly a year and a day.  Never once did Q complain of having the cancer.  He'd get frustrated because he had a harder and harder time communicating.  Nominative aphasia, they called it.  I think I got to be with a saint in the making, and I thank God for that gift.

So if you have a loved ones, and family around you this year, give them a special hug, and realize when you least expect it something may happen to them.  Hug them like you were getting to hug them for the last time, because for all anyone knows, it may well be your last Thanksgiving together,  and be thankful they are with you and have graced your life.
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