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Monday, February 23, 2009

Female Lexicon - a guide for men

In the interest of creating peace and harmony this lenten season - a few tips for men -


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome, UNLESS she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever'.

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU! (And "Whatever, DUDE" -- means F--- YOU! AND the horse you rode up on.)

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response, refer to # 3.


Fr. Erik Richtsteig said...

Going to use this for marriage prep classes!

gemoftheocean said...

Be my guest. The beauty of it is, it's ALL true.

Now if one of you men would oblige with a similar lexicon... :-D

Oh, and tell your men...when a woman says "if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you" he'd be best off spending the night in a motel. Even I knew to clear out when my mom used that against my dad. 1 hour later, he'd have heard about stuff he did wrong back in 1964.

And if she "sets" the table by slamming things around in the kitchen, don't make ANY sudden moves...

Anonymous said...

Check out this new Catholic band that just released their first album.

From what I heard on the samples site, they sound really good.

Introducing the new Christian National Anthem: Guns & Jesus.

Joe of St. Thérèse said...

I'll work on it

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