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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Stupidsville


I've been meaning to get around to this one. Ever want to just grab some asshole clueless guy right by the neck and choke the living daylights out of him? WAS YOUR HEAD WITH YOU THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WENT TO WORK?

23 comments:

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

What's the problem Karen? lol

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Ah..it's a blue background..how do you get one of them?

gemoftheocean said...

Jackie -- I know! It didn't even occur to this moron that pygmies wouldn't normally be using our restroom. Jeez, sport, you know there's room OVER that bar too. DUH.

On my blue background? Template and color settings...you can use your normal template, just customize for blue. Actually you and Esther use such light type face on light color background...

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

Sounds like your designer needs one of Bil Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" signs

gemoftheocean said...

AA: Thanks! I couldn't remember the guy's name, but he's hysterical. I love the story he told re: being arrested as a youth for being "drunk in public" and the officer who'd known him literally most of his life asks him his name for the official arresting report...then any "aliases" "Yeah, "tater" years later when he'd been arrested for being "drunk in public" actually arguable, since he'd been thrown out of a bar INTO "public" the arresting officer asked "are you also known as 'tater'?" "YEAH, ya CAUGHT THE TATER!" God help us!

For this particular ineptitude, the must have searched high and low for someone who couldn't even get into the department of transportation.

Karen

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

Yes, Bill comes in a close second to Jeff Foxworthy & his "You might be a redneck..."

gemoftheocean said...

Ah, JF.... if your momma doesn't even bother to take the cigarette outta her mouth before she cusses out the traffic cop, you just MIGHT be a redneck.

If you view family reunions as an opportunity to pick up a date, you MIGHT be a redneck.

If you have an entire set of "Cool Whip" salad bowls, you just MIGHT be a redneck!

If you have a picture of Jesus playing poker with Elvis and dogs painted in silver on black velvet...you just MIGHT be a redneck. [Rats, I meant to go down to TJ to pick up one of those for a gag gift, and I'm damned if I'm going to go through the trouble of renewing my passport to go down to TJ.)

DigiHairshirt said...

Karen,

Um, certain members of Archangel's Advocate family ARE rednecks.

Ask him about his younger brother's 2nd wedding and the beer-fueled "victory lap" around the pond right after the vows were made. Don't worry none, though, the bride and groom had their own personal keg by their legs underneath the table . . .

Ma Beck said...

What is going on???
Is there some sort of midget lobby taking over work restrooms?!

I'm totally taking pics of our work bathroom tomorrow - same exact thing just happened.
We just came in one day and the paper towel dispensers and tp dispensers were like three feet lower!

gemoftheocean said...

MA, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING. God in Heaven, I didn't think it possible for gene pool to produce two of these losers. Whenever I'm having a bad day lately, I just think of this idiot who hung this dispenser and say to myself: "Well, my life can't POSSIBLY be worse than this pinhead's.

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

You might be a redneck if you consider "Drop Kick me Jesus thru the Goalposts of Life" a Hymn (better not give those residents of SOV2 any ideas...)

tara said...

I suppose it would cut down on TP usage--if you had to select the amount to use--before--then if you changed your mind--after--too bad.

gemoftheocean said...

Tara, TP use is not one of those things you want to spare use on! :-D I swear the guy who had installed the thing MUST be a 3rd world illegal alien who'd never seen toilet paper before, as he had no concept of how it's used in real life. Apparently comes from somewhere where they spread earth on the "goodies."

Philip said...

Oh dear. You and I must have met in a past life!

Today, I folded a piece of scrap paper and placed it carefully in my wallet. I then screwed up a £20 note and threw it in the waste bin.

Hmm!

WhiteStoneNameSeeker said...

But Karen darling-it's so fung shui!

gemoftheocean said...

WSN: To me it's fung phooey!

Philip: Don't worry, everyone's done that at least once. You're not losing your marbles. Sometimes you get lucky though and can find a 20 in an old sweater or jacket pocket. I don't care if you're Bill Gates, you're still delighted when that happens.

Karen

swissmiss said...

I had to make a comment that yesterday we stopped at Sam's Club and I had to use the rest room. I don't mean to give you any flash backs to Larry Craig, but I could see under the stall wall that the person next to me was wearing flip flops. Not the thick smushy kind, but the thin-as-cardboard kind with just a strap covering the toes. I'm sorry, but it is the middle of winter around here people, get some boots!!! On our way out of the store, there was a guy standing having a smoke in shorts and no jacket. Global warming hasn't taken over yet!!! Put some clothes on.

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

SM:
Sounds like a tourist in San Francisco in the summer (the place where Mark Twain is REPUTED to have said "the worst winter I ever experienced was Summer in San Francisco")

gemoftheocean said...

Swiss: How bizarre! What's going on out there in Minnesoooda? Normally it hits 32F by late October. Did someone "beam them down" and miss Floriduh? Maybe you should contact the area 54 people.

AA: Tell me about the coldest summer in SF. You just gave me a flashback too, let me crank up Mr. Peabody and Sherman's "WayBack Machine"

Time: the July 4th weekend, 1977. I was in Sacramento for the summer because my parents had recently moved and dad had taken a job up there, so I was home for the summer. We thought: Hey, Candlestick Park in Frisco for the 4th, how Yankee Doodle Dandy is that? Baseball, hotdogs, beer, sun, yelling at the umpire. What could be better? When you're in Sacramento and it's oh, a good 95 degrees. What do you put on? Shorts. T-shirts. Sneakers. You drive the hour and a half to Frisco. To Candlestick. In the daytime. You have heard of Candlestick being cold, but by Golly it's the FOURTH. It's DAYLIGHT. It's only ONE PM. What could possibly go wrong? This is not a chilly April night in early spring. You get primo seats for the 3rd base side. The shadows have not come. Yet. But, by the third inning, there ARE shadows. It is daytime. It is growing DECIDEDLY *C*O*L*D*E*R as a witch's *** by the second. A light breeze kicks up. Then a steady breeze. Then a breeze that could send a sailplane from Frisco to Fargo. Your lips start chattering. I am SERIOUS. What do you do? You seek the ONE sunny spot left while there is still room up there. the upper deck. Nosebleed, on the 1st base side. You hike up there before everyone else gets the SAME idea, and all THOSE spots are gone. You are grateful, because you now have some heat and are beginning to thaw. You gaze at the ants on the field. You gaze at the poor ******** who are loath to give up their seats behind home plate. You notice ice forming on their mustaches (and that's the women) and children are turning blue. You wonder why in Hades they are not selling hot chocolate on the 4th of July, because You would be. And you would have made a fortune.

Terry Nelson said...

Having worked in design for a major department store - it looks to me as if the t-paper dispenser, (as well as the lowering of towel dispensers) have been lowered in compliance with some sort of ADA regulations, to accomadate the disabled. The bathroom stall you feature appears to be a stall for the disabled because of the bar.

When wheel chairs and other aids for the disabled are updated, things such as bathroom stalls are usually retrofitted as well.

gemoftheocean said...

See, that's the thing, Terry. WHY, Oh, WHY is it inconvenient? What idiot had their head up their rear end? With the toilet paper dispenser where it is, you have to reach very far forward, AND use two hands, because I guaranteed you that if you don't any paper you pull will wind up on the GROUND. Where the paper comes out is less then a foot from the floor. What "genius" decided this was "optimal?" It would have been very easy to place the dispenser ABOVE the bar and position it so the paper comes out just a little above the bar at a comfortable height. Are there people that sit up nights wondering

Terry Nelson said...

LOL! Actually - the retrofit usually comes along because of a particular individual's needs or request. Every employer must provide reasonable accomodation for disabled employees - ADA regulations. Therefore - look for the culprit in your workplace who has a different type of wheel chair or some other disability - then sabotage her wheel chair or get her fired. ;)

gemoftheocean said...

But that's the hell of it Terry. NO person, even a disabled one, would want the TP hung *that low.* We've just moved into the building since summer. The entire floor of this small office building is only occupied by our company. And I can assure you, we have no personnel in wheelchair or other disability, and trust me when I tell you we don't have any pygmies. MENTAL pygmies, perhaps, but physically...no.....

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