Mulier Fortis: Healthy Living

Mulier Fortis: Healthy Living

Don't miss Mac's very funny post regards tips on staying healthy. I think she might have missed a few notes regards keeping track of food intake:

1. BROKEN cookies (biscuits to you nice British folk) have NO calories. They escape in the process of breaking.

2. Ethnic food has NO calories. This especially applies to Italian food, homemade bread, pierogies and halupkies.

3. ANYTHING eaten in a dark kitchen past 1 a.m. - WHILE standing up -- has NO Calories.

4. Sara Lee Cheesecake? NO CALORIES. Particularly not if not yet thawed out.

5. Popcorn? NO CALORIES ...

6. Anything eaten on Thanksgiving Day? NO CALORIES! It's on the 22nd this year - you Brits are invited to partake in this "gimme" as it was your pilgrims who originally discovered this phenomenon. And because I'm such a nice person (usually) I'm designating that anyone who reads this post, even the French, although God knows they shoot people over size 2, also get a "gimme." How they eat all that fois gras, cheese and beef whatever and remain rail thin is one of God's mysteries - not unlike Zulu warriors with perfect teeth who never have gone near a dentist.

7. Don't have your glasses on or your contact lenses in? You can't see the calories, means you don't eat them.

8. Cold pizza? NO CALORIES.....especially if it has mushrooms, pepperonies and anchovies - followed by a beer chaser. Doubly true if finishing a pizza from the night before.

9. Holiday Rum balls? ABSOLUTELY NO CALORIES. Fattening as hell, but you burn off the equivalent of calories just making the damn things - so it's a virtual wash. In the holiday spirit, I share the recipe for "Hard Liquor balls" put out by the nice people who compiled George Washington's Mount Vernon Cookbook. Basic. Simple. Addictive as all get out.

Important: IT IS VITAL TO KEEP ONE HAND ABSOLUTELY DRY ONCE YOU'VE ADDED THE DARK CORN SYRUP. Otherwise you will make one unGodly mess. You need the "dry hand" to handle adding the whiskey, etc. I promise. No foolin'. It's early to be consuming Whiskey balls, but the hell with it. It's dark early...these are MEDICINAL. And because it was from the source it's from: NO CALORIES.

Ingredients:

1 box Vanilla wafers. CRUSHED. Leave them in the bag and pound 'em with a rolling pin or your hand or whatever's handy, then put in mixing bowl. I use Nabisco. Do I LOOK like I know the size? It's that standard size box. Do I LOOK like Betty Crocker ? Don't use cheap house brand vanilla wafers. They taste like hell. TRUST me.
3 tablespoons cocoa.
3 tablespoons dark corn syrup. I use Karo, or Caro, or however the heck it's spelled.
If you're one of those "nut people" add about 1.5 cups of chopped pecans. Otherwise SKIP it. I SKIP it.
Now, mix the heck out of this stuff, USING ONLY ONE HAND. Once you are SURE you have made a mess, and this stuff will NEVER come off your hand. Start adding liquor. I far and away prefer whiskey, whiskey being "the real deal" and rum fit for such drinks as chi-chis and things that have an umbrella. It's for a HOLIDAY, so keep it traditional. How much? UNTIL IT "FEELS" right. i.e. not too watery at all. But enough to hold this admixture together. Now with one hand, make a roundish ball, somewhat smaller than a ping-pong ball. Next, on a plate that you have already laid out with powdered sugar, roll this sucker in the powdered sugar. Miraculously, the powdered sugar makes this mess behave in your hand and you may put on a plate. Add your liquor gradually. If you guess, guess "light" you can always add more if needed, but you can't extract it. Duh. The beauty of these things are, that if your guests get ANY they can consider themselves lucky. IF you and a friend make them, I guarantee you they will be lucky to see any laid out on the table. As a matter of fact, plan on making TWO batches. One a private stash for you and your helper, if any...the other for the guests. They are best chilled for a bit.

Digihairshirt reminds me of something important:
"You forgot my own scientific finding that ANYTHING EATEN FOR CHARITY HAS NO CALORIES.

Church pot luck dinners? Zip. Girl Scout cookies? Nada. School candy sales? Nichevo. [Let's not forget the Yiddish: BUPKIS" - kh]

I believe it was St. Bedworth the Chunky who wrote in the 6th century:

"Verily I say unto you, o brethren, that Our Lord in His Divine Mercy doth eraseth all Matter and Vapors from such food when eaten in Charity and Love, or with a Prepared Sauce of pigeon breasts. Now, please pass the Confits . . ."

Update 2:

"Newhousenewjob:

As long as you drink a diet soda with it, you can eat whatever you like calorie-free.

Mac McLernon:

Any food eaten off someone else's plate has no calories... the calories stick to the plate."

Update 3:

Swissmiss:

"any food eaten on vacation (holiday) has no calories. Or any food you graciously choke down to not offend your mother-in-law has no calories :)"