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Saturday, November 17, 2007

Ladies: Great Anglo-American Tag Team Co-operation

Are the guys reading this?

It said "ladies" so let's let them think it's "girl talk."

Guys, it is. Really.

Are we alone now? Let's give them a moment to leave. Are they gone? Okay. Yeah, they're gone.


Jackie, great way to start the ball rolling on Operation Pyotr - you and my mom were right. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Stephanie, Mac, and newhousenewjob - you all contributed to keeping the ball in play by rachetting up the food angle. We all know how successful the recent newhousenewjobnewman operation was. We even got a man to unwittingly add to the cover by chiming in. Swissmiss your timing was PERFECT coming in like that. Talk about the hit by the safety to keep the prey from getting away. The Minnesota Vikings could take lessons. [For you UK gals in US football the safety is the last defensive man, in this case gal, on the field that can stop the opposition from running away downfield.]

Okay, you ladies stay to the edges of the field and keep him on the field while I go in for the tie down. I think I have enough rope, but I may need a little help with the pigging string.

You're all invited. It will be a compromise Mass. TLM said FACING the people. The groom and I will be asking Fr. Ray Blake, Fr. Stephanos and my own priest, Msgr. S., to be the troika for same. People who want to turn around away from the priests can so they don't have to look at the priests during the Nuptial Mass - but those who want to look, can. The groom has to face me at the vows part though, otherwise you guys will take bets at the reception as to how long it will last. And the hor d'oeuvres will be those whiskey ball thingies that were used as bait to cut the groom from the herd in the first place.

And "they" said the Anglo-Alliance was dead. FDR and Churchill couldn't have done better.


Oh, and for those of you who came late to the party, the relevant threads are:

(In rough order)
#1 My post re: the Whiskey Holiday Balls , also now known as "Operation Pyotr"
#2 Fr. Blake's celibacy post
#3 Fr. Tim's post about TLM and focus.

So far the object of my cyber affection is co-operating very nicely. I don't think he quite knows what hit him yet. He's still in that bemused state. They're so cute when they're like that.

And don't miss this movie clip referenced in post #1. It's a dilly. (Those of you with dial-up will want to use on that one.)


It also looks like Fr. Erik is on board. He'll be arranging the perimeter security at the reception so the gate crashers don't make off with the booze. He also has the mission of riding shotgun in the limo afterwards. The latter is a somewhat covert dual mission, as it's best the bridegroom not be unduly alarmed. As you can see by his post here, he has an excellent sense of what sort of rock and roll pieces should be played at the reception.


Cathy said...

It is 5 in the morning.
I'm confused.
Are you ENGAGED????

(P.S. You can't have a TLM "facing the people." Rubrics and all...)


Cathy said...

P.S. I hope the appraisal went okay. I feel your pain. This housing market SUCCCCCKKKKS!
Enough already!
Let my people goooooooooooooo!

gemoftheocean said...

Haven't had the appraisal yet, looks like I will @ Tuesday. I have lots of equity, so that's not a problem, but what a PITA.

Ma...the intended groom doesn't know it yet ... you might want to check the relevant threads - so far he's playing along. The only thing I'm officially engaged in right now is mischief!

Check Fr. Blake's post on celibacy, my post on the rum balls (referred to in this blog) and Fr. Tim's on the hoo-ha with what the priest is looking at.


gemoftheocean said...

PS Ma, click on "Operation Pyotr"


ArchAngel's Advocate said...

(P.S. You can't have a TLM "facing the people." Rubrics and all...)

Actually you can. Find a Church with a cloister chapel behind the altar or one of those modern "theatre in the round" churches) Either case you can have those who like to watch Father's back sit on one side and those who like to get Father to crack up by making faces can sit on the other.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Well, I think it is magnificant. Man was not meant to be alone, even curmudgeonly Englishmen (althugh my Irish ancesrty plaintively asks, "Why?" while my common sense advises you to invest in good dental insurance for the groom).

Karen, I have worn some ghastly bridesmaid dresses in my time (including one number with an "off-the-shoulder" capelet that I gave to a male friend in college to wear for Halloween), but if you make me a bridesmaid, I will don whatever abomination you can conjure (do not forget to include fabulous fuschia-dyed pumps).

I for one do not give a whit what food is served at the reception as I intend to get thoroughly pissed.

You know, I hate to spoil a troika, but I do have a priest at my parish with the surname of "Moneypenny" - it could add to the "man of mystery" angle and we'll just have Fr. John chatting up guests, making vague comments about how his mother served as a secretary in the British secret service and never really told him who his father was . . .

Now, I must go shopping for a hat in honor of the occasion . . . as a wedding present, I am thinking of heading south of the border for a fine rendition of "The Last SUpper" done on black velvet. A little arte libre de Tijuana will brighten the walls of Dr. Peter's ancestral castle on a rainy day.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

There! I've placed a post on my blog to help with this self-effectualized effort!

Anonymous said...

This post is hilarious! But will we ever get them to the Altar? Any Altar that is? lol i mean if it takes the Novus Ordo..well who is complaining!

Anonymous said...

Ah perchance..the groom?

Oh &'s a looong story!

swissmiss said...

Seems like things are progressing at lightning speed. Perfect!

Aside from the problem of it probably not being a Catholic ceremony, you could probably find something in Vegas that has a proper sounding English name to get married in as a compromise...Desertminister Abbey of the Tumbleweed Fields Drive Thru Chapel, that is open 24/7.

Or, British Columbia might be a nice compromise too. Victoria is a grand place which might make the groom feel a bit more at ease...they have high tea and all.

You could get married in San Diego or England, but I think compromise would set a good tone for your marriage.

You have to keep the ball in motion because if it stops, it might have time to become self-aware and realize you are the force behind its movement...if you get what I mean ;}

BTW: PLEASE don't mention the Vikings. They are embarrassing enough nationally, but to expose our plight internationally is beyond painful!

Are you moving? I've been busy with my brother being here and feel totally out of the loop. Details, details.

Kasia said...

Congratulations, I think...this post may have been even more confusing than my Differential Equations Engagement post... :-p

WhiteStoneNameSeeker said...

I don't know what you're on-but I want some.

Hook'im and reel him in girl. Then march down the aisle proudly in your maidenform bra (and a dress of course).

If you were going to compromise between America and England you could choose somewhere would be Wales.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Over at my blog, Karen has asked for some calaveras de azucar as hors d'oeuvres. Well, they are meant to be eaten, but I would be happy to whip some up as decorations for the tables at the reception. Nothing lends a macabre air to what already will be a bizarre ceremony than grinning saccharine skulls, I always say.

No, Vegas will not do - this MUST be a Catholic ceremony (although having the wedding at the Taj Mahoney might serve both scenarios, gaudy casino and Catholic site - as Fr. Pennypacker has said on many on occasion, both drunk and sober, "TIt'll be something once they get it outta the box!"

But I digress . . . no, I think the wedding should take place in San Diego, unless my house sells and we finally get relocated to Knoxville, at which point "midway" would be somewhere on America's eastern shore. Perhaps Fall River, MA, where the honeymoon can begin with a lovely stay at the Lizzie Borden Bed & Breakfast - if things don't quite work out on the wedding night, the bride can always take the matter in hand, along with a sharpened axe.

Karen, have you thought of the music yet? Ma Beck, don't you think "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" would make an absolutely haunting air for their first dance? I mean, it is a slow song so it should be easy to keep apace with, regardless of what Karen wears that day. I have never goten the chance to act as a wedding planner, but I think I could make a living off of it.

Karen, would jello shots be too "rough trade" for you? After all, we don't want to compromise on sophistication and class.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

I'm sorry, that's Fr. Moneycash saying, IT'LL be something once they get it outtta the box!" No "it'll" - that is unseemly for a man of the cloth . . . is there anymore gin in this damn bottle? Oh, bother . . .

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Not "tit'll", damn it, NOT "TIT'LL!!"

Really, I haven't started cocktail hour, it's this damned keyboard - they've mixed up all the letters on it!

gemoftheocean said...

Oh no, Digi, the ceremony itself will be quite nice on the up and up. If I've waited 50+ years for Dr. Wright, then we'll do it up in style. The SOLE thing "different" will be the priests facing the congregation. You know how nutty brides get. Now the wedding will be in San Diego, along with the first night at the Hotel del Coronado, but for the honeymoon proper Peter gets to decide. I'm hankering for the Isle of Wight, as that nice man, Philip, with the German Shepard is in the tourist industry there. But I'll give Dr. Peter his head on this one. Maybe there's a castle or two in his family. I'm doing my best to breech the moat around his personal castle. Right now, he seems to have raised his head above the parapet, and is gazing at yon fair [cough, cough] damsel in a distant land. And I don't mean Ms. Spears.

WSNS: The wedding dress itself will be silk, traditional white - no visible maidenform, but she'll be the "something blue" underneath.
Now, for the going away outfit, I had something in mind like this. This dress will be familiar to most of you who have been bridesmaids in the past, I'm sure you all own at least one like it.

I'd be grateful if MaBeck and that wonderful choir of St. John Cantius was available. I would like to have my lurker friend, and theatre partner in crime, Christine, do at least one organ solo - she's got a good six months to limber up the fingers. I'd like her and my friend Stephen Farrow to organize the proper show tunes for the reception. Also some classical rock and roll at the reception is great, although I draw the line at the Beatles WHITE ALBUM track #7 on Disk One, Side Two.

Digi I DO like your idea of TWOTEF for our first slow dance at the reception. If you play it really slowly only the sophisticates will get it. :-D And jello shots are PERFECT. I have eclectic tastes, but I'm not a snob. Upon observation, I'd say that "mah man" was the same. Peter can muse on the Fall River venue for the HM. Perhaps as a first anniversary destination?

Oh, and I'm staying put. I just need a rifi and a cash out.

For venue I think the Archangel has a great solution. I'll scout the churches in SD for that one. We wouldn't use that cathedral thing in LA - UNLESS we could dynamite it afterwards. Maybe as a raffle for charity we can give the honor of pushing the detanater switch to the highest bidder.

BTW, you should ALL pray that I win the lottery, so I can fly you all out here and pay all expenses.

Kasia, welcome and glad to have you on board!

gemoftheocean said...

Oh, digi, Peterkins prefers SINGLE malt whiskey. A good woman knows what her man likes. Make sure we have plenty of that on hand. Also some fine cigars.

Stephen said...

Be warned - travelling to the Isle of Wight is a little like going through a door that takes you directly to 1953.

gemoftheocean said...

Stevie! :-D [Ladies and you mostly lurking gentlemen, my English friend, Stephen Farrow, he and I have met in real life - he will be helping line up the show tunes portion of this shebang!]

I've gathered it's very charming. I'm not terribly keen on antique English plumbing (I love the English, but your water pressure ****s.) A small cross to bear. Besides something hot and steamy coming out of Cowes, [The Isle of Wight Ferry, you jump-to-conclusions-people) - I thought it was high time something hot and steamy went into Cowes. Me. And Peterkins. Once I jump start his libido.

Stephen, who best to deliver "Pretty little picture" from FORUM or the Medlay from She Loves Me? Who "owes you" in the St. Genesius crowd? [That's theatre volken to the "civilians".] BTW, docbender may be headed in your direction soon. I'm sure she'll come back for the nuptials though.

Is there a ferry from Brighton to the Isle of Wight? Can you get your home folks to send us off with Pretty little Picture then? [The kind Fr. Tuck of St. Mary Magdalen in Brighton is in on this...God willing he will be part of our Troika.]

Mulier Fortis said...

Hey, Karen, You don't need to fly us all out... just set up a web-cam at the Church and another at the reception, and get someone to do email-duty with a laptop and wireless internet connection at the recpetion as well... just so that we can make our good wishes and bad jokes known!!

The Digital Hairshirt said...


The single malt should be no problem. The Digihusband seems to be an expert in that area. Why, there is scarcely a moment when I don't see him with a bottle of such in hand, and the pathetic way he gropes for his flask whenever I walk into the room to engage him in conversation about death, taxes, or the orthodontia bill for Octavius (the Digison) I find particularly endearing.

There isn't any Scottish in Dr. Peterkins background, is there? I note that "The Joy of Cooking" does list a recipe for haggis (as well as 'possum), but I shall have to special order it. That should not be a problem, as Bristol Farms - though pricey - can even get one some nice moose in the off-season.

And your colors! Good Lord, woman, what will your colors be? Every woman from the time she was a little girl has her wedding colors in mind. I have always shown a preferance with my first three husbands for colors unknown to heterosexual men, such as puce, heliotrope, and aubergine.

Tulle! We must have tulle and plenty of it!!

The Digital "I'll Make Martha Stewart MY B***ch" Hairshirt

gemoftheocean said...

Digi: I'm not sure about any Scottish, though there might be a little Aussie. I don't know if 'roo is on anyone's menu though, even an aborigine! Moose....that's a thought ...if you marinate it for a really, really long time. Does it taste like chicken? Chicken is so "done!" Haggis.... the Scottish version of lutefisk. Even the Swedes laugh. It's one of those things that everyone hates but eats for bonding purposes.

As far as colors...well, there ya go. Over on the celibacy thread I wasn't kidding when I thought from a fairly young age that my odds were against getting married, though I was open to it if the right guy came along ... so no, no youthful fantasies of color schemes or outfitting your nearest and dearest women friends in the prom dresses from hell. If there *is* Scottish background in Dr. Peterkin's lineage, perhaps "colors" in the family plaid? Tis a thought. I'm still waiting on his half of the guest list.

Mac: If I don't win the lottery, [can I ask OTHER people to pray I win the lottery, or is that tacky?] - that's a good backup plan. But if I should find a spare hundred grand laying around, the extravagant gesture is always nice. I PROMISE we will not get married that week you are in Lourdes. Particularly May 31st.

Digi - isn't tulle frightfully itchy? No sense breaking out in a rash just in time for the wedding night - otherwise the good Peterkins will think he makes me break out in ecsema[sp!!!] He'll think I'm allergic to him. I'd hate to start off on the wrong foot!

gemoftheocean said...

Oh, and Peterkins if you are lurking, do drop me a line with your half of the guest list at gemoftheocean at gmail dot com. And let me know if there's any plaid we should consider for color/colour scheme. [Black and blue is OUT!]

Stephen said...

No ferry from Brighton to the Isle of Wight, no. Ferries to the Isle of Wight leave from Portsmouth, Southampton and Lymington. And for a truly unforgettable travel experience - not necessarily in a good way - you can take the hovercraft from Southsea. It's a less-than-ten-minute crossing on the hover, and your sinuses might have stopped vibrating six months later.

Who "owes" me who sings showtunes? Nobody in Britain, unfortunately! I know a good organist, though (he's a professional, too... though I imagine his rates are now rather expensive. Still, you only do this once!).

For showtunes for the reception, of course, there are two basic possible approaches: tasteful or tacky. Tacky, I suspect, is more fun. As an added bonus (!), I'll even sing myself (that's not a threat, I'm - he says modestly - actually quite good). Of course the production team of SBFP will have to be rounded up from the four corners of the globe and coerced into appearing. Not necessarily live. Well, not in every sense of the word, anyway.

gemoftheocean said...

*VERY funny re: SBFP [don't ask if you don't know, you'd be appalled, if you MUST know, drop me a line privately, and I might tell you if I think you can keep your mouth shut] I ran across the poster for that the other day.] Under no circumstances will this be a la a certain N. Katz's real life nuptials. His friends must be still laughing!

:-D Of course you can sing at my wedding. You know I adore your speaking voice [did I tell you that? it's why American women are such suckers for British men] so I'm sure I'd be delighted with your singing voice. Would you believe that for real I'm now listening to Fred Astaire sing "Things are Looking up?" Really. No kidding.
It's the version on the 2 disk set "Starring Fred Astaire" [the Columbia years] -- great double CD.

Well, ****s regards there being no Brighton/IoW ferry, I suspected as much, but hoped... I suppose Brighton is near enough to swing by before we jump off to IofW. A charming cottage by the sea with a white picket fence would be delightful. Tea for two and all that.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! Hey, if digi gets to be a bridesmaid--I wanna, I wanna, I wanna. But about the outfits--I like the gloves--sheesh why are bridesmaids dresses so horrible--oh, so the bride looks good.

And I have recipe's for Jello shots! And don't worry--heavy on the ETOH, give plenty of them to the groom--but not too many--we do want this consumated!

I'll hang with digi and Father Erik, me and digi will hide the weapons in the bridesmides gowns--make sure there is alot of fluff--so no one suspects. If the groom tries to escape--we'll pull out our blue light specials and remind him there is a no return policy.

If he gets past us--Father will take him down by the horns--ahh, another one bites the dust. LOL!

The Digital Hairshirt said...


The tulle I envisioned for the tables at the wedding. Unless you have hired the reunion tour for Le Ballet Trocadero de Monte Carlo as the entertainment, in which case I expect them in a fog of tulle - not to be confused with tule fog, which would impair visibility during the festivities and bring to it all the warmth and charm of California's Central Valley.

And no to THAT, I must say!

I do so hope Dr. Peterkins has got a family tartan to display - indeed, a groom attired in a kilt can be a stirring sight, especially in a stiff breeze. It raises, of course, the age old question of anything is worn under such attire and I do hope for the sake of the honeymoon, everything is in as fine a working condition as ever.


I am still working on the menu, which I hope to have in a day or so. Please let me know if you expect any persons with food sensitivities - a collapse into a coma can put a pall on the occasion. I am also researching some aphrodisiacal treats to arrange in a large gift basket for the suite at the Hotel del Coronado, complimented by other implements and accoutrements.

Say, you aren't allergic to latex, are you? Just asking . . . email privately, sweetie, if we need to talk . . .

(And for anyone who is going to start lecturing me about "Humanae Vitae", dahling, do you think the stuff is ONLY used for "French letters?" We've Catholics marrying here, not Baptists! As that obscure philosophical school, Men Without Hats, once postulated: "We can dance if we want to . . .")

Anonymous said...

Karen do consider digi's advice: "indeed, a groom attired in a kilt can be a stirring sight, especially in a stiff breeze."
Good thinking digi!

The Digital Hairshirt said...


Blame it on my Irish heritage - we're an earthy sort! The British and the Germans can be, I am afraid, lacking when it comes to matters of the heart or other anatomical appendages.

And don't even get me started on the Schweizer Deutsch. After all, you know that old saying - "a man with a giant alpenhorn is compensating for something . . ."

(My sincerest apolgies to swissmiss and my condolences as well. I spent two years in the city of Biel, aka Bienne, in the foothills of the Juras. I was amazed that the Swiss managed to incorporate cheese into everything they served AND every cow has a bell around its neck. Indeed, I read from your blog that your brother is stationed in Geneva - ask him if he can find a Swiss cow in a Swiss pasture without a bell around its neck!)

The Digital "Chicka-bow-WOW" Hairshirt

gemoftheocean said...

Digi - Ah, tulle for the decorations. Go to it girlfriend! Ah, yes, a KILT would be great if Peterkins is entitled to one. From all that I've heard, men can either go "commando" or not. Puts a different spin on the boxers/briefs question, doesn't it. I suppose we are lucky that Clinton wasn't a Scotsman. No worries on anything from Monte Carlo. I went there once. The cute little pink palace was nice - but really - a whole principality? Hell, ranchers in Texas have patios bigger than that.
As far as I know the good doctor isn't allergic to anything. As for myself as long as you don't serve any penicillin or tofu(barf) or beans(double barf) I'm good to go. Once we get the guest list complete I can "ask around."

And digi: You brought up another good point re: "aphrodisiacal treats to arrange in a large gift basket for the suite at the Hotel del Coronado" I had thought of that too while I was out. I think between you and Mac (she's a science teacher you know) can come up with some GREAT concoctions. Peterkins does have a heart condition though, so watch it on the peppy stuff.

Tara: Of COURSE you can be in my bridal party. Any gal blogger who wants to be in my bridal party is automatically IN. I'm going to be the first bride who is going to let her bridesmaids wear ANY outfit they desire. [Let's not make it too Halloween.] The little Carmen Miranda number I linked to was going to be my "going away" outfit.
If you like the gloves - feel free.

Tara: Fr. Erik will also get the suite across the hall at the Del to ensure Dr. Peterkins stays put - at least til the break of dawn. But it's a GREAT idea to have you gals come through with a little backup. I know in Annie Get Your Gun, Ethel Merman sang YYou can't get a man with a Gun - but she obviously didn't know which caliber to use, or realize that that says NOTHING about keeping a man once you've got him.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I'm so happy to be one of your bridesmaids! The gown I will wear to the wedding is posted on my blog. I can strap the "blue light special" to my leg--and no one will know it's there.

I'm sure when digi sees the gown--she will want one exactly the same!

gemoftheocean said...

Ah, c'mon, who deleted his/her 9:43( my time) post? It couldn't have been that bad unless you accidentally typed the f word or the c word! Too many typos?

Tara - delighted to have you on board. That is one STUNNER of a black dress. And I'm not kidding. I would kill to have that in my wardrobe. You know that "every well dressed woman has at least one killer basic drop dead black dress" dress. [The figure to match it would be nice too!) Mamma said to put on your jewelry, then take one piece off. If I get a dress like that, I'm putting on my pearl earrings, and pearl necklace, and a broach, then taking off the broach, and it will be perfect. Men will be falling over left and right in our wake.

Digi: I'm not so sure about the inherent passionate nature of the English and Germans. I have both in my blood lines. From my research in my ancestral lines the Germans were as fecund as rabbits. More Krauts than could fill the bottle at the factory and keep a large sized city supplied. Granted, in Pa. Dutch 1700s there wasn't any late night TV either.

Now as for the English. Not quite as fecund. But they couldn't have all popped out of the Christmas Crackers. To judge by those lusty royal courts there was more hokey-pokey than you could shake a stick at. And it's been going on. Did you see Gosford Park? More bedroom doors than any stage farce I've ever seen. Peterkins is trying to paint himself as an elderly Dr. Chips, but I have a feeling once he hits hotter weather than he's used to all his energy won't be wasted just trying to keep from getting chilblains. [I'm not buying it, Dr. Peter.] At least I hope not, as I've already got our children's names semi-picked out. [I'm assuming since it will be miraculous enough if I ever marry, God will do a Sarah/Abraham thing on me.] If not, we'll adopt.

swissmiss said...

Goodness, things are really flying around here! I just can't keep up.

Digi: My brother lives in Geneva...he's in the Reserves and trains in Kaiserlautern in Germany for his one weekend a month type thing. He's not active military, but stands a good chance of being sent to Iraq again. My Swiss family is from a small village (Vals) that has more cows than people. Everyone there has a bell around their neck and cheese in their blood :)

Am I a bridesmaid? In the past I've always tried to hide under the table when friends and family were hunting for the unsuspecting to enlist for that function, but this time sounds like a hoot.

And, like we talked about early on when you started blogging, I have my own hand gun (sorry Father Blake) and know how to use it. I like the kilt idea just because they are spiffy, but will have to avert my eyes in a good breeze. Tara can keep me posted on that one.

Hey, can my kids be the ring bearer and flower girl? It's your gig and all, just tossing them into the mix to see what you think. I also have an aunt who's been a church organist for forty years. A little Scotch might just help her kick it into gear.

Is the groom still alive?

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Tara: The dress truly is stunning! With matching black leather holsters to carry the Saturday night specials and an extra ammo clip, why, I daresay the guests will be left speechless, if not hitting the floor. You know, Karen, our church has a lovely wedding coordinator who once survived a drive-by shooting back in the 80's at St. Joe's (no joke). Fortunately, the neighborhood has improved vastly and you can barely notice that nervous tic on Maria.

If Fr. Erik could come down a little earlier, perhaps we could arrange some target practice beforehand. Or, at least get the signals down and the watches coordinated. I do so love tactical planning! I may have a lead on a tranquilizer gun from the San Diego Wild Animal Park. We would only use that as a last resort, but I remain confident that Dr. Peterkins is a man of reason and would rather get along than have an intimate discussion with Messieurs Smith and Wesson. After all, as Madame Mao once opined, "Political power, marital bliss, and discounts from Jimmy Choo come from the barrel of a gun!" And look how long Mao lasted (although I understand the embalming could use a touch up - but then, can't we all?).

The Digital "Gun Control Means Being Able to Hit Your Target" Hairshirt

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Photographer! Goodness, Karen, have you one lined up? Although I am the Minister of Photoshop for St. Joseph, I shall be too busy with the catering, much less carving the moose (those beasts take some muscle to slice properly).

Since Annie Liebovitz is likely to be "busy", perhaps you could ask Gerald over at "The Cafeteria is Closed" blog. His work is splendid.

Stephen said...

You mean you're *not* going to sing your vows? Or have the bridesmaids and the best man sing as part of the ceremony?

I'm shocked, I tell you. Shocked.

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

For shame, Digi. If you're going with black leather holsters you MUST go with pearl handled Colt 44's (one for each hip!)

gemoftheocean said...

Swiss: I'm beginning to realize that it's not just *me* among the American lady bloggers who would do the NRA proud. OF COURSE you can be a bridesmaid. The cool thing is you get to pick out what you want to wear. [Just don't make it look too garish!] Pick something really cool that you WOULD want to wear to a wedding. [This way it would guarantee me lasting gratitude now and forever more rather than that "Oh, Karen, that ***** that made me wear a purple and orange off the shoulder backless dress when she knows I have acne" she-wolf status. (why DO women want to make their best friends look like hell?)

Of COURSE your children can be ring bearer and flower girl. All the little girls of the bloggers can be flower girls...but your boy can be ring bearer. Jackie's sons are already going to serve the Mass. Lots of offers for organist. They can take it in relays. My long-jaunt theatre going friend Christine will play one of the pieces. As for the groom. The lad still hasn't dropped me a line with his guest list. I hope he didn't do one of those "Cousin Bunberry" jaunts a la IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST off to planet Mars. I mean, it's not like he'd be irretrievable, but I'm going to have to call in a lot of markers at JPL and NASA. It took him a few days the last time to realize we were talking about him. And Swissmiss, I think your brother can also come in handy. You know how Englishmen are, fearless in travel. It never occurs to them there might be civil unrest where they holiday. So help me skulls can be floating down the rivers in Myanmar and they'll book a month's holiday there with scarce a shrug of the shoulder, whereas we'd only go if in a B-1 bomber. Your brother could be our one man commando team to secure the perimeter of wherever we will be hopscotching to.

Digi, I like the idea of getting together with Fr. Erik to arrange signals first. MUST be clear on that, otherwise some poor guest could be trying to hail one of the servers for an extra glass of champagne and get his hiney blown off by mistake. And last night I was wondering who we could rope in for photog. Curtjester it is, then, if he'll take on the gig. I also like the your Wild Animal Park take too. Quite nice. Stuns them but doesn't permanently incapacitate them. Also I think the grand ball room of the Hotel del is perfect for the reception, but where to hold the more intimate rehearsal dinner. Let's try and go "classy" on that one. You know, the kind of place where a waiter would throw you out if you asked for your steak tartar "well done" or worse, ask for a bottle of ketchup. There should be enough room to fit in a string quartet. I can ask Fr. Blake what arias he's fond of for a start. I expect Dr. Peterkins has a list of favorites too. La Jolla? Del Mar? Rancho Santa Fe? Do you think the Getty Estate would be available and we can Lear Jet that party up there?

Stephen: No, I'm not going to sing my vows. God Forbid. BUT, if I have the right amount of drink around a bonfire party, I might be able to be persuaded to sing Rocky Raccoon from the aforementioned White Album.

Oh, and BTW gang, I will be using Fr. Mildew to archive this event.

gemoftheocean said...

Archangel! You remember what Patton said about Pearl handles.... :-D Best make 'em ivory - I don't want Patton's ghost along with the ghosts of his Army haunting the place on the wedding night - the del is Haunted as it is. I picked it partially so Dr. Peterkins will feel right at home, England seemingly has more haunted places than Carter has little Liver Pills.

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

Karen, Patton wasn't a girl (and no, I don't know what he said. I always wanted black ivory handles like Paladin (Have Gun Will Travel)). I thought the pearl ahndles would go better with the pearls & black dress...

gemoftheocean said...

AA: Point taken, so I don't have to worry - it's just the men, then, who have to refrain from the the pearl handles. I'm relieved.

The Digital Hairshirt said...


Wrong blogger, although you can certainly invite The Curt Jester and ask him to act as MC of the reception, sort of a Catholic badchen, if you will. The Cafetreia Is Closed can be asked to photograph the wedding - in fact, if Gerald can sort of "run at" Peterkins paparazzi-style, with Speedlites a-flashin', then the dear would be caught off-guards and stunned, facilitating moving him from church to reception to suite.

Can my daughter serve, too, the proper wee Norvus Ordo adherent that she is? You will need at least five servers - Crucifix, two candles, and thurible.

Furthermore, I think all priests mentioned need to concelebrate, which will make the Procession quite long, so whoever is planning the music had best take that ihnto account. If my reckoning is correct, there will be:

Fr. Ray Blake
Fr. Stephanos
Msgr. S.
Fr. Erik R.-med and Dangerous
Fr. "Mom Tells Me My Dad's Name is James" Moneypenny
Fr. Mildew

In fact, maybe every guest should haul along a priest with them, so there is no dearth of clergy to perform this ceremony should any contingencies arise!

gemoftheocean said...

Oh, AA: what he said was "Only a p**p in a cheap New Orleans *****House would have a PEARL handled revolver, mine have Ivory handles."

gemoftheocean said...

Digi: Ah, yes. Cafeteria, CJ can come too we'll have all cameras out.

As far as the clergy - elsewhere (God knows just where now, even I'm starting to lose track of where I said what) I said I wanted Fr. John Boyle to give the homily and of course dear Fr. Tim, the hermaneutic[sp!] will be MC, he'll love keeping everyone in line. Fr. Z.'s personality is so big he can make up the entire "in choir" contingent. Perhaps he can give the toast at the reception too. And dear Father Owl. Now that he's found his alb ... wait ... he can do the pre-Cana. It will give us both a chance to fly to Vermont - I want to stock up on that Maple Sugar Candy anyway. Fr. Harrison seems to have a lot of wanderlust. Perhaps if my dear fiance is a little short of breath now and again, Fr. H. can help him scout out those cottages by the sea for us.

I forgot about the FIVE servers. You're right. What we will do so Jackie won't faint and throw a hissy fit is we will bind your daughter's titzen and have her spit a lot and tuck her hair up in a baseball cap - no one will be the wiser. Let me know if she's maidenform lady eligible, it can be managed but we'll have to make special arrangements. Later on she can tease Jackie's sons "ha-ha, you served Mass with a GIRL" she can bewitch and marry one of them some years down the road, if the priesthood doesn't snatch them up. I know it's Jackie's dearest wish that her sons become priests, but if one of them is better off marrying than "burning" then he may as well light the world afire with a SoCal babe. The wedding that keeps on giving.

swissmiss said...

The priest who married us came to our reception with a button that said, "Stay single." Boy, was he a laugh riot ;} Maybe I'll see if I can borrow that blue and yellow number Pope Bene wore awhile back that was all the rage for my wedding attire/brides maid dress, not. Will wait to see what you and Peterkins wear and plan accordingly.

My brother used to be in electronics (and has a degree in electrical engineering) but now his MOS is logistics. He could really whip this thing together for you AND provide security...two for the price of one. He's only got problems with the French, so since Peterkins is a Brit, no problemo ;}

Yep, my son is too young to be an altar boy yet. Ring bearer is good.

gemoftheocean said...

Swiss your bro and Fr. Erik will make a fearsome duo. After that we can use them to sort out Pakistan. They've been really "asking for it" and why Jorge Bush has put up with their shenanigans this long is anyone's guess. If it's me, the place would have been a parking lot a while back.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Drusilla, the Digidaughter, has not yet grown the titzen, but she does have long, blonde hair, so we'll have to work out something. She is not the hoydenish, girly type - one of Jackie's sons might be able to win her heart if (a) he has a dead bug or a snake (Kate prefers the latter to be a live one, as they are just so gosh-darn cool) and (b) he knows the lines to "The Simpsons" movie, especially the part where the little birds crash into the dome and slide lifeless to the hungry cats below. Katherine just laughed and laughed at that. If I recall correctly, she also laughed when Bambi's mother died in the movie, and then asked what was for dinner.

Octavius, the Digison, is only in the first grade, so he is too young to be an altar boy, although he wants to be. Patrick can scarce disguise his "robe envy" when he watches his sister serving at Mass.

But enough about my children who are my pride and joy, as well as the hope for my retirement . . .

Good Lord, you have mentioned it seems another three priests! Oh, my dear, I see tragedy ahead if we do not have them all of them wearing coordinated vestments in the proper liturgical colors! And how to line them up - by seniority? Age? Height? Orthodoxy?

gemoftheocean said...

Digi - I have the perfect two other servers. Francis and ...would you believe Catherine! Both are soon to be 11 and from your description of digidaughter they will be WELL matched. Francis is a charming all American boy -- well suited for Jackie's two, and in Catherine. My. What can I say about that little buzz saw? Her perfect pet would be a python. She plays soccer, flagfootball AND lacrosse. So help me God, after I picked her to help serve Mass I thought "this one WILL kill me, what WAS I thinking." Both her and Francis were the rutchiest* kids. Francis's dad took a lot of convincing that is was high time he learned to serve Mass. I am happy to say that while on occasion Catherine still tries to kick Francis in the backside in the sacristy (I told her if she keeps messing that up, she'll miss out on a frosh/soph prom date a free dinner when she's a teen-I take a VERY firm line about girls not trying to get a whack in at the boys - even if in her case it's the equivalent of "notice me, I really like you") WHILE at Mass they are now QUITE GOOD. When they were learning, I threw them together, now they take turns soloing. Last night, Catherine also had some school friends come to that same Mass. She could have served for the pope. Father gives 22 minute sermons, (the hardest part for any of our servers to cope with) and she sat there like a bishop, perfectly composed. (every once in a while I still have to call one or the other on wanting to fiddle with the cord to their albs.)
So lovely to see how well both have progressed in less than a year. Couldn't sit up straight in the pews or keep focus. But now Francis manfully holds the candle steady next to Father at the gospel and Catherine has perfect aesthetics when ringing (and stopping ringing!) the bells at just the right moments. Everything done at the right time without prompting. All the nice little bows in place. Other than occasionally having to bang a head or two in the sacristy (or throw them out afterwards) I couldn't be more proud of them if they were my own children.

On a serious note, last night I had them both in a calm mood after Mass and told them about how in foreign countries sometimes people can get arrested and thrown in jail or even killed for attending Mass and/or being Catholic. I told them how lucky they were to be able to serve Mass without any such fear, and if sometimes in a long sermon when their attention begins to flag - to please pray for those poor children and adults who live in those countries. Fr. Blake often remembers and highlights the sufferings some people go through in those countries - I may post later tonight when I have time for a well put together posting and ask him if he might consider coming up with a prayer that children can say (and others too) that prays for those people under such circumstances.

*(To "rutch" around is Pennsylvania Dutch for squirm.)

gemoftheocean said...

Oh, and digi: We'll spare no expense on having glorious matched Chasubles and gear for the lot. The priests in choir in "choir dress" of course.
They'll process in in order of function, as mother church provides.

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

How does Digidaughter feel about "Bambi vs. Godzilla"?

Anonymous said...

You can get matching chasubles (you can even get one with a parrot on it!) etc. from this place:

gemoftheocean said...

Angela: ACK!!!! No parrots. We better use a more Orthodox supplier. It's going to be hard enough to coax them into the first ad populam TLM ... though come to think of it the Pope was "ad populam" at TLM even in the "good old days." ;-D I think if we even hint that someone at some date and some time did that our flock of Catholic priests would fly too far south for me! ;-D

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