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Friday, November 9, 2007

Mulier Fortis: Healthy Living


Mulier Fortis: Healthy Living

Don't miss Mac's
very funny post regards tips on staying healthy. I think she might have missed a few notes regards keeping track of food intake:

1. BROKEN cookies (biscuits to you nice British folk) have NO calories. They escape in the process of breaking.

2. Ethnic food has NO calories. This especially applies to Italian food, homemade bread, pierogies and halupkies.

3. ANYTHING eaten in a dark kitchen past 1 a.m. - WHILE standing up -- has NO Calories.

4. Sara Lee Cheesecake? NO CALORIES. Particularly not if not yet thawed out.

5. Popcorn? NO CALORIES ...

6. Anything eaten on Thanksgiving Day? NO CALORIES! It's on the 22nd this year - you Brits are invited to partake in this "gimme" as it was your pilgrims who originally discovered this phenomenon. And because I'm such a nice person (usually) I'm designating that anyone who reads this post, even the French, although God knows they shoot people over size 2, also get a "gimme." How they eat all that fois gras, cheese and beef whatever and remain rail thin is one of God's mysteries - not unlike Zulu warriors with perfect teeth who never have gone near a dentist.

7. Don't have your glasses on or your contact lenses in? You can't see the calories, means you don't eat them.

8. Cold pizza? NO CALORIES.....especially if it has mushrooms, pepperonies and anchovies - followed by a beer chaser. Doubly true if finishing a pizza from the night before.

9. Holiday Rum balls? ABSOLUTELY NO CALORIES. Fattening as hell, but you burn off the equivalent of calories just making the damn things - so it's a virtual wash. In the holiday spirit, I share the recipe for "Hard Liquor balls" put out by the nice people who compiled George Washington's Mount Vernon Cookbook. Basic. Simple. Addictive as all get out.

Important: IT IS VITAL TO KEEP ONE HAND ABSOLUTELY DRY ONCE YOU'VE ADDED THE DARK CORN SYRUP. Otherwise you will make one unGodly mess. You need the "dry hand" to handle adding the whiskey, etc. I promise. No foolin'. It's early to be consuming Whiskey balls, but the hell with it. It's dark early...these are MEDICINAL. And because it was from the source it's from: NO CALORIES.

Ingredients:

1 box Vanilla wafers
. CRUSHED. Leave them in the bag and pound 'em with a rolling pin or your hand or whatever's handy, then put in mixing bowl. I use Nabisco. Do I LOOK like I know the size? It's that standard size box. Do I LOOK like Betty Crocker ? Don't use cheap house brand vanilla wafers. They taste like hell. TRUST me.
3 tablespoons cocoa.
3 tablespoons dark corn syrup. I use Karo, or Caro, or however the heck it's spelled.
If you're one of those "nut people" add about 1.5 cups of chopped pecans. Otherwise SKIP it. I SKIP it.
Now, mix the heck out of this stuff, USING ONLY ONE HAND. Once you are SURE you have made a mess, and this stuff will NEVER come off your hand. Start adding liquor. I far and away prefer whiskey, whiskey being "the real deal" and rum fit for such drinks as chi-chis and things that have an umbrella. It's for a HOLIDAY, so keep it traditional. How much? UNTIL IT "FEELS" right. i.e. not too watery at all. But enough to hold this admixture together. Now with one hand, make a roundish ball, somewhat smaller than a ping-pong ball. Next, on a plate that you have already laid out with powdered sugar, roll this sucker in the powdered sugar. Miraculously, the powdered sugar makes this mess behave in your hand and you may put on a plate. Add your liquor gradually. If you guess, guess "light" you can always add more if needed, but you can't extract it. Duh. The beauty of these things are, that if your guests get ANY they can consider themselves lucky. IF you and a friend make them, I guarantee you they will be lucky to see any laid out on the table. As a matter of fact, plan on making TWO batches. One a private stash for you and your helper, if any...the other for the guests. They are best chilled for a bit.

Digihairshirt reminds me of something important:
"
You forgot my own scientific finding that ANYTHING EATEN FOR CHARITY HAS NO CALORIES.

Church pot luck dinners? Zip. Girl Scout cookies? Nada. School candy sales? Nichevo. [Let's not forget the Yiddish: BUPKIS" - kh]

I believe it was St. Bedworth the Chunky who wrote in the 6th century:

"Verily I say unto you, o brethren, that Our Lord in His Divine Mercy doth eraseth all Matter and Vapors from such food when eaten in Charity and Love, or with a Prepared Sauce of pigeon breasts. Now, please pass the Confits . . ."

Update 2:

"Newhousenewjob:

As long as you drink a diet soda with it, you can eat whatever you like calorie-free.

Mac McLernon:

Any food eaten off someone else's plate has no calories... the calories stick to the plate."

Update 3:

Swissmiss:

"any food eaten on vacation (holiday) has no calories. Or any food you graciously choke down to not offend your mother-in-law has no calories :)"

26 comments:

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Hey Karen..i'm not falling for it..healthy eating & the gym rules! c'mon join me not Mac! lol

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

Karen ,
Thanks for sharing the recipe.

It sounds fascinating to an Englishman.

Now, the language barrier :
(You know the way we have this English - American spelling thing.)

When you say "whiskey" do you mean Irish whiskey ?
Or do you mean "whisky", i.e. Scotch whisky ?

Another question :
Please don't yell at me : I'm only a bachelor, but could I mix the ingredients in a blender ?

When to eat :
How about after dinner with coffee and a liqueur, a cigar and a DVD of "Holiday Inn" ?

BTW I don't believe in calories : it's just a question of mind over matter.

Hence, I've no qualms about real butter, double cream, fried eggs, potatoes roasted in beef fat, chocolate, butter pastry, alcohol, etc.

Fattening ? Superstition.
You either go that shape or you don't.

Junk food ? Never touch the stuff.

You should see an Englishman shopping for himself :
(I read the labels.)
Low fat ? Put it back on the shelf.
Low calories ? Put it back on the shelf.
Healthy eating ? Never visit that part of the food store.

O.K. One concession : decaffeinated coffee.

Peter from England

DigiHairshirt said...

Karen:

You forgot my own scinetific finding that ANYTHING EATEN FOR CHARITY HAS NO CALORIES.

Church pot luck dinners? Zip. Girl Scout cookies? Nada. School candy sales? Nichevo.

I believe it was St. Bedworth the Chunky who wrote in the 6th century:

"Veriily I say unto you, o brethren, that Our Lord in His Divine Mercy doth eraseth all Matter and Vapors from such food when eaten in Charity and Love, or with a Prepared Sauce of pigeon breasts. Now, please pass the Confits . . ."

Unfortunately, I forgot the citation, but trust me on this one.

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

Whiskey (Irish or Scottish) has always been seen as snakebite medicine (You notice there are no snakes in Ireland?).
I think the great Thomas Aquinas gives us an exellent example. He dieted so well that they had to cut away part of his dinner table st that his "svelte" form could fit behind it.

gemoftheocean said...

Dr. Peter - My whiskey of choice is Seagram's VO (Canadian). But I expect any kind will do well. I expect you "could" mix it in a blender - but then it will e TOO blended ( these things need to be a little rough. Seriously, do it by hand in a reasonably large bowl You will NEVER get the sticky bits out of the blender otherwise. Trust me on that one. I eat them as soon as they have a decent c

hill on them. Not too many at any one time, or you will get ripped, as about a cup of whiskey ends up in the stuff...or close to it. Watching Holiday Inn is the *perfect* accompaniement - and yes, you and my friend Jim feel free to light up a cigar. And you're probably right re: the labels. "We" weighed less before all the diet foods. I'm particularly with you re: real butter. I don't need a lot of it, but what I eat has to be real. Turns out I was right all along...those margerines, oleos, etc. have been deemed worse than butter. I wouldn't have another liquer with them.

Digi - Right you are, I'll amended this.

AA - Whiskey is grandmother's milk to me. She always gave us kids a little bit of highball along with everyone else at holiday time. Granted mostly gingerale, but also included "a drop of the real deal."

Jackie, I'll join you as soon as I can get up off this couch.

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Karen get off the couch! Peter...de-caf..how could you YUK! Give me full-strength filter coffee all morning! Oh! i'm not so healthy after all...ah well some you win..

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Hey i just had a really good idea..there's Karen from San Diego waiting for the man of her dreams..& now we have a very nice English bachelor..dr.Peter wright..well what say they strike up a little conversation...chaperoned by us bloggers of course..could be the first blogging romance..oh my i'm getting a little carried away here..but that would be some wedding..& since it was me who suggested it..i have to be invited..lol

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

i mean..they're even exchanging recipes now!

gemoftheocean said...

Ha-ha-- you can supervise -- you'll have to get your own couch though! ;-D

Karen

newhousenewjob said...

Karen, you forgot the most commonly known one - as long as you drink a diet soda with it, you can eat whatever you like calorie-free.

Mac McLernon said...

And you forgot that any food eaten off someone else's plate has no calories... the calories stick to the plate.

(Thanks for the link!)

DigiHairshirt said...

Mrs. Jackie Parkes, I think it is a splendid idea, encouraging love on the Internet! From her picture, Karen is a cutie. Dr. Wright, do you think a picture of you could be posted?

gemoftheocean said...

Well, that's the best one of me for a while, digi-- I had it taken shortly before the big 5-0 = I have to say I'm not usually that pulled together, but I made the effort on that one! I've been after Dr. Peter to start a blog of his own - his comments are always such fun!

DigiHairshirt said...

5-0?!?!

Well! That certainly does not appear to be a picture of a woman near 50, but one much younger! I must say!

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Looking good Karen! c'mon Peter!

gemoftheocean said...

AA - didn't know that about TA! Who knew he was so practical. Most of his breed tend to suffer in silence!

Digi- well, I was 49.5 - when it was taken, but who's counting.

Jackie - but I had it taken from a good angle. In other words, my butt wasn't in the picuture. By design. :-D

swissmiss said...

Goodness, I've been missing some important things going on here. Had to go over to my aunt's yesterday and didn't get on the computer much and missed the start of this budding romance!

Also, any food eaten on vacation (holiday) has no calories. Or any food you graciously choke down to not offend your mother-in-law has no calories :)

(I just posted something like this about a ice cream, beer and pizza diet.)

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

Hey !!

I've only just noticed all these comments !
What's going on ?
Jackie, what are you thinking of ?
You know I'm a confirmed stick-in the-mud bachelor.
The man of Karen's dreams ...
I doubt it.
More like the man in her worst nightmares.
I think someone once took a photo of me in 1958, but I haven't seen it for a while ...

gemoftheocean said...

Ha-Ha Peter, well I *was* going to let you in on the secret that we were practically engaged but I thought I'd let the rehearsal supper be a fun surprise for you. We do seem to like the same movies and many of the same books from what I can tell. Any man who enjoys Holiday Inn is dream enough for me. My guess is we're around the same vintage. You a tad older but not by miles. I shall have Jackie for matron of honor (Jackie you can pick out what you want to wear, I wouldn't believe in kitting out a dozen bridesmades in orange and green -- there's only so many quincieranas a girl can go to) Peter, who shall you have as best man, and shall we draw from a hat as to which blogger priest will do the honors?

I like potato chips, moonlight and motor trips, how about you?

:-D

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

Hello Karen,

I wish you girls would slow down a bit !
I've only just heard the news.

It sounds as though you're all organising the ceremony already, clergy, guest list, caterers, the lot.

Well, I suppose I would choose either Father Ray Blake (England) or Father Stephanos O.S.B. (San Diego)

I don't understand the first thing about maids of honour, matrons of honour, bridesmaids, etc., though I've attended a few weddings.

A best man ?
I don't know.
I'd have to think about that one.

What did Jackie call me ?
A nice English bachelor ?
She's right about "English" and "bachelor".
But "nice" is definitely not the right word.

Self opinionated, self indulgent, sarcastic, a thorough pain in the a*s would be a more accurate description.
(And I'm being kind to myself when I say this!)

Did you guess I'm a tad older ?
How much is a tad ?
I'm 58.

The last photo I can remember of myself was taken on The Feast of Corpus Christi, 1958.
It was my First Communion.
I don't know what happened to it.

I've found an old photo of my grandmother, but that's not quite the same, is it ?

There may have been the odd snapshot now and then, but that's all.

No, I'm not joking !
Looks like I'll have to remain a man of mystery.

Potato chips ?
There's that language barrier again.
Do you mean French fries ?
O.K. I can take 'em or leave 'em.

Moonlight ?
Better than a rainy night, I suppose.
(Not very poetic about things, am I ?)

What else. Motor trips ?
Oh yes. When I was young, I drove all over Europe in my open top sports car.
(If it rained, I'd climb out to close the top manually. No electrical gadgets on British cars in those days.)

But I don't drive these days.
A taxi ride is quite far enough for me.

Hello ??
Are you still there ?

I must go and make a sandwich for lunch and open a bottle of beer (Hefeweissen from the Weissenstephan brewery, Bavaria, recommended by "Father Stephen of Michigan" in someone's combox.

BTW, is this Thanksgiving weekend ?
If so, I can cook a Thankgiving dinner tomorrow, Sunday.

Is it O.K. for foreigners to celebrate Thanksgiving, or is it purely an American celebration ?

Peter from England

gemoftheocean said...

Peter:
I wish you girls would slow down a bit !I've only just heard the news.


No worries, as Jackie knows I'm not much one for assigning "man's work" as opposed to "women's work" but planning a wedding is one thing I agree is "woman's work" - not that you guys couldn't - it's just we want all the fun of picking out all the details ourselves. We're selfish in that way. All that's required of a groom is he get to the church on time and not wimp out. And for this one little occasion wear something nice. If so inclined afterwards you can resume ratty dressing gown and socks with a big toe poking out of the hole, or the swimsuit with wellies. It's okay, the English are charming in their eccentricities. [An intentional dead spider collection might give me pause, I warn you. There's eccentric, and there's just plain weird.]


It sounds as though you're all organising the ceremony already, clergy, guest list, caterers, the lot.


I'll need your half of the guest list soon. You KNOW how stuffy some people get if they aren't invited at least six months in advance. Like they have a lot of social engagements with Her Britannic Majesty or something - in a pig's eye they do.


Well, I suppose I would choose either Father Ray Blake (England) or Father Stephanos O.S.B. (San Diego)


Wilco that. Wait. I have the most SCATHINGLY brilliant idea. I'll invite my 79 year old priest into the bargain too. Then we can have a troika for TLM BUT you'll have to compromise too. We'll have the 1st TLM Nuptial Mass versus populam. The GUESTS can turn around if they don't want to see what's going on. You can turn around too when it comes to that, but do face me when we're doing the vows - lest our friends take side bets at the reception on "how long this one will last." I'm free to marry, presumably you don't need some male relative of mine to check up and see that you hadn't temporarily married some Canadian girl like Rex Mottram did and sort of "forgot" about it. But then AFAIK you're not a convert, so I think we're both safe.


I don't understand the first thing about maids of honour, matrons of honour, bridesmaids, etc., though I've attended a few weddings.


No worries, I'll just have Jackie be my matron, and all my unmarried girl friends and all the girl bloggers who want to come show up. The men can be ushers, unless they want to hold the fort by the drinks bar in advance at the reception, so all the gate crashers don't drink the booze until we get there. That could be construed as kinda tacky but at our ages, well....

You WILL need one male friend, however, preferably married, to hold your arm firmly while you are waiting for me to traipse up the aisle, lest you run away. HE'S "trapped" he'll want you to be too. If you pick a single male, he may support your fears and you'll both take off across the border to TiJuana - never to be seen again, and you two will wander all the Mexican border town's unseemly dives, and that's not good for a chaste person. So they tell me, anyway. But if I get a scrawled postcard from Senor Frog's, I'll know who it's from. I'm picking Jackie as matron, so I don't do similar. I do hope she doesn't mind listening to COMPANY'S (Not) GETTING MARRIED TODAY.(youtube - use keepvid.com if dialup) [Bear with the first two minutes - they do do the song, well worth hearing!]

What did Jackie call me ?
A nice English bachelor ?


She did on this public blog anyway!


She's right about "English" and "bachelor".


so far so good. You seem amenable to Yankee Doodle Dandy Holidays.


But "nice" is definitely not the right word.

Self opinionated, self indulgent, sarcastic, a thorough pain in the a*s would be a more accurate description.
(And I'm being kind to myself when I say this!)


A match made in heaven. As long as you don't mind an opinionated, self indulgent, sarcastic and PITA wife. We just can't be those things at the same time. I'd fall for you because of them rather than in spite of them. [Is that why I'm not married?!]


Did you guess I'm a tad older ?
How much is a tad ?
I'm 58.


I hit that one right on the head within the two years either side # I had in my head.


The last photo I can remember of myself was taken on The Feast of Corpus Christi, 1958.
It was my First Communion.
I don't know what happened to it.


If wallet sized, did you check your dad's wallet? If 8X10 did you check your parent's mantel piece or grand piano? How about the trunk in the attic?


I've found an old photo of my grandmother, but that's not quite the same, is it ?


Send me the pic of grandma, and I'll squint and imagine her without titzen. Let me know if you sport a mustache or not. Or if grandma did.


There may have been the odd snapshot now and then, but that's all.


I have some odd photos too. Someday I'll show you the picture I have of me adding my name to the graffiti on the inside of the dome of St. Peter's -- I was 17 -- there were thousands of others scrawled there -- guilty, guilty, guilty as hell and mom's doing time too for taking my picture while I was doing it instead of stopping me. I hope she finally finished the time in purgatory on that rap. I do hope this doesn't mean the wedding is off. Everyone has a deep dark secret. [I sold the dead spider collection years ago.]


No, I'm not joking !
Looks like I'll have to remain a man of mystery.


They're the best kind, unless you're in the UK equivalent of the Federal Witness Protection Program. (did you see the end of Godfather II?)


Potato chips ?
There's that language barrier again.
Do you mean French fries ?
O.K. I can take 'em or leave 'em.


They're potato crisps to thee.


Moonlight ?
Better than a rainy night, I suppose.
(Not very poetic about things, am I ?)


Honey chile, I have enough poetry for both of us. Moonlight on my beach or Rainy night by your fireplace. Get those salt and vinegar crisps. I can "go native" on that one.


What else. Motor trips ?
Oh yes. When I was young, I drove all over Europe in my open top sports car.
(If it rained, I'd climb out to close the top manually. No electrical gadgets on British cars in those days.)


Oh. My. Were you a TRIUMPH man? I hope you had two of them. ONE was for the road, and one you had in the shop. Or Lagonda?

Actually that "I like potato chips, moonlight and motor trips" thing is a line from the song HOW ABOUT YOU (Burton Lane - who wrote some of those Royal Wedding songs - did the music and Mr. Freed - I think - did the lyrics, which you can see here.) Mickey and Judy did it in BABES on BROADWAY. [What possesses some people to use black text on a light blue background I don't know - but use your browser to enlarge the typefont - well worth reading the lyrics on that one. You can listen to Mickey and Judy sing a little bit of it here. The movie version is zippier. Amazon has a nice DVD collection of the Rooney/Garland classic movies.


But I don't drive these days.
A taxi ride is quite far enough for me.


Good, then I don't have to arm wrestle you or play rock, paper, scissors to decide who's going to drive. Just hang on tight and shut up until we get wherever we're going. Then you can fall apart and berate me for cutting off the older broads who are peering through the steering wheel. Probably, at some time I'll also be one of those old broads peering through the steering wheel too, but that's entirely beside the point for now. You'll just need a taxi ride to the airport so you can get here in time for the happy day.


Hello ??
Are you still there ?


I'm too tired to organize a
Snipe hunt is out of season and the grunion aren't running either. I'm not going to stand on a crocodile's tail either.

Yes. [My question is this your two week "on" period for insomnia? And are you waiting up for this reply or did you crash finally?]


I must go and make a sandwich for lunch and open a bottle of beer (Hefeweissen from the Weissenstephan brewery, Bavaria, recommended by "Father Stephen of Michigan" in someone's combox.


I really like the hefeweissen beers I've had. What kind of sandwich did you make?


BTW, is this Thanksgiving weekend ?
If so, I can cook a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, Sunday.


T.G. is this coming Thursday on the 22nd. Most people have a four day weekend. Our ******* bosses are making us come in a half day Friday morning. I one finger salute in their general direction.


Is it O.K. for foreigners to celebrate Thanksgiving, or is it purely an American celebration ?


Absolutely a-okay. Who do you think made that stuff up? It wasn't the Mexicans or Lithuanians -- though those two groups now put on the feed bag with the rest of us. The only thing that's required is some turkey - all the rest is gravy. For me it's turkey, some gravy, mashed potato, pumpkin pie, brown and serve rolls (lots of them!) and corn. That would be maize to you. Some wine is good.


Peter from England


Karen from San Diego

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Hysterical! Things are going swimmingly by the sounds of it..'Matron of Homour'..yeay!Is the wedding gonna be in San Dieogo or little ole England? lol Karen? Peter?..

Mac McLernon said...

Fine and dandy, apart from the TLM bit...

The marriage part in the trad rite was done before Mass and was pretty short.

Then with bride and groom safely hitched, Mass went ahead... ad orientem

I'll only show up if you get those rubrics right... and you need Fr Tim as MC

gemoftheocean said...

Mac, it's improve - you run with the given. It's a Stephen Colbert "say yes, and" thing. [see here] You know how unreasonable and demanding brides get. Of course Fr. Tim can be MC. I'm assuming Jackie's sons can serve the TLM?

the Mom said...

Some appropriate Jane Austen quotes to mark the occasion:

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels that she may exert all her powers of pleasing without suspicion. All is safe with a lady engaged; no harm can be done.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.

gemoftheocean said...

Thanks "mom." :-D When I was in my teens I just couldn't fathom the good Miss Austen. Let's say I was to start over. What is the best Austen to read first?

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