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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Frisbee Hosts and General Absolutions


The former is an abomination, the latter if used under battlefield conditions or imminent plane crash or other such disaster is one thing ... but at Easter Sunday Mass is another.

Please, if you're a priest who does Mass "as it is written" don't break, bruise, injury any major part of your body. The operative phrase is "says Mass as written." Leave breaking, bruising, spindling things to your idiot confreres, so as not to inflict them on the rest of us. Capisce?

And say a prayer for the Sainted Fr. S. that he DIDN'T actually break a kneebone of some sort but "merely" bruised it, because if I have to assist at a certain priest's Mass once more it's going to be "film at 11" after it's been "breaking news." At the very least it's going to be "audio available" with an end-around to Arinze. Why don't these people realize they are not "helping." I like Communion in the hand option. People who insist on using frisbee Hosts will spoil that. I like Mass in English, ad libbers will screw that up too. Thanks, jerks.

(And yes, it took me two days to calm down enough to "edit" down to this much.)

11 comments:

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

We call them "tortilla hosts", and there are 2 varieties. The 1st is well scored so it can be broken easily & cleanly for easy distribution. The second fragments into little pieces which can be scattered to the 4 winds. I like the 1st type as it can be seen by the entire congregation (as mandated by the "true" liturgical reforms of Vat 2) and allows the symbolism of the broken Body to be shared by a good number of those participating in that Mass. The 2nd type constitutes, IMHO, a mortal sin & the liturgist who invented the beast will probably end up in the 8th circle of the Inferno (we have to leave them some room for "advancement" to the 9th circle, don't we?)

gemoftheocean said...

AA: I'm all for hacking the bodies up of whomever invented them and feeding them to scavengers ... the only problem is in doing so does one risk NOT being able to feel sorry for killing them? Although, on technical grounds, suppose they don't have a soul? God knows their liturgies can be soul sucking enough.

The LAST thing one should have to worry about at Mass is: "Is this Valid but illict? or completely invalid and illict." Oh, and sporties, if you are going to be doing general absolution, it's not really cool to do it just after the Pax and before Communion. Particularly when someone is standing behind you and looks like they want to kill you.

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

Karen, if you hack them up make sure that you have a chance to go to Confession with true remorse for your actions. Then the other issues will take care of themselves. (Haven't you learned anything from the Godfather movies?)

gemoftheocean said...

Funny you should mention the Godfather ... I was just thinking about watching the movie the other day. I & II are personal favorites, I've never seen III -- having been warned off by other afficianados [sp!] of I & II. I'm thinking of the horse's head scene. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.

Friends help you move, best friends help you move bodies.

Adrienne said...

I'm sending over Tony and Cousin Vinnie.

PS I've never seen one of those hosts you are referring to. Our pastor uses a big one for the elevation but it is scored like AA mentioned.

gemoftheocean said...

Adrienne, this particular brand was scored, but they still do have a tendency to leave crumbs, and especially when the priest in question isn't particularly careful about breaking them up.

I was really irritated when he made me stand in a place that was NOT AT ALL conducive to doing the job of EM properly, I had to swivel around and watch every person as they left me to make sure they had consumed the Host. On that score alone I felt like calling in your cousins. Do they charge reasonable rates, and would I get a discount for more than one job....because there's a list of people right now.....

diana said...

Hi Gem! I am checking in!!!Missed you!

Adrienne said...

They charge on per job basis. Of course, Tony never, ever does the work himself. Cousin Vinnie is a bit daft but has a heart of a true sociopath.

gemoftheocean said...

"Cousin Vinnie is a bit daft but has a heart of a true sociopath."

Adrienne, I was showing a friend of mine from church this particular blog item and the replies from same....we were both glad we weren't drinking any liquids when we read the above comment. [She was at the Mass in question too.]

swissmiss said...

Oh NOOOOO!!!
Say it ain't so!!!!!!!
You certainly have Jekyll and Hyde for priests there. Are you sure you don't have a liturgical vestment that looks like a straight-jacket in your sacristy? That might help some.

gemoftheocean said...

Swiss, forget about the straight jacket.... I need more duct tape. I talked to the sainted Fr. S. yesterday morning. He isn't going to be recovered enough this Sunday. Ask St. Jude that Msgr. Tom does the Mass tomorrow night. He doesn't adlib, and was the first priest I ever assisted at Mass back in 1975. We go back a ways.

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