Did Jesus have ADHD?

Just asking.

John 13: 36-38 "Simon Peter said to Him "Master, where are you going?" Jesus answered [him], "Where I am going, you cannot follow me now, though you will follow later." Peter said to Him, "Master, why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you." Jesus answered, "Will you lay down your life for me? Amen, amen, I say to you, the cock willnot crow before you deny me three times."

Later:

John 16:5 "But now I am going to the one who sent me, and not one of you asked me, 'Where are you going?'"

Uh, Jesus...Simon Peter asked you a couple of chapters ago....and where exactly were you guys for chapter 15 and 16 and 17? We know that you already "left the building." And of all gospels, why no words of institution during the Last Supper -- particularly after John 6. The most curious of omissions ever.

I still want to know if the Blessed Vigin Mary had Passover dinner with the Finkelsteins that night.

Adam and Eve Unredacted

Time: 4 gazillion B.C.
Place: Garden of Eden
Dramatis Personae: Adam, the first dude; and Eve, the first woman - she has one more rib than he does; God - AKA "The Man Upstairs"

Act 1: Scene one [4:30 in the afternoon]

Adam: What's for dinner?
Eve: Liver and onions.
Adam: We just HAD liver and onions 2 days ago!
Eve: It was on sale.
Adam: You KNOW onions give me gas.
Eve: Oh. Phew. Light a match, baby. How about Left over Venison and Chitlins?
Adam: DAMMIT, WOMAN, I am SICK and TIRED of the SAME THING night after NIGHT !
Eve: YOU try coming up with something new every day of the year!
Adam: Look, for ONCE in your life, can you just SUPRISE me?

Act 1: Scene two [same day 6:30 in the evening]

Adam: Where've YOU been?
Eve: Look I went out and brought you back something you've NEVER eaten before, so kwitcherBitchin'!
Adam: But, but THAT's the "forbidden fruit!!!" I KNOW you were there when The Man Upstairs said NOT to eat that.
Eve: Well, you're so damn smart, you know everything, what difference could it possibly make?
Adam: Point taken. [Takes a bite and offers it to Eve, fade to black]

Act 2: Scene 1
[2 nanoseconds later - sound thunder, lightening]

GOD: HEY!!!!!
Adam: [to EVE] GET DRESSED!!!! QUICK!!!
Eve: What's "dressed?"
Adam: [all out of breath] It's where people aren't buck nekkid and they have something covering themselves....
Eve: IT REACHED 110F in the SHADE IN BASRA the OTHER DAY! Why would somebody do something so stupid?!?!
GOD: I'M WAITING!!!!
[Eve grabs a fig leaf]
Adam and Eve: [trying to look nonchalant] So what brings You here?
GOD: YOU KNOW.
Adam: [feigning ignorance] I dunno what you mean.
GOD: BULL. YOU DO KNOW.
Adam: All right, so we're busted!
GOD: Why'd you get dressed like that in a hurry, don't you know it was 110F in Basra the other day? Geez, and Eve thought you "knew everything." Dummy. For your penalty, you both have to remained dressed. Eve, you vixen temptress, you, not only do you have to remained dressed get into this burqua.
Eve: ARE YOU KIDDING IT WAS 110F IN BASRA!!!
GOD: That's YOUR problem. BTW, have fun with the hot flashes, I'm outta here. Keep away from my tree of knowledge!!!
Eve: Hot flashes? What are Hot flashes?
GOD: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!! [poof, He's gone]*

Act 2, Scene 2

Adam: Hey, good lookin', so what's cookin' now that the Man be gone?
Eve: Liver and onions...don't START with me....

* - proof positive that God is male - no woman, no matter how vindictive, would have dreamed up "hot flashes" and inflicted it on another woman.

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel

Nice Catholic Encyclopedia article here about it -- Our Lady gave to St. Simon Stock the scapular. My own 1st Communion scapular was one of these. [I quickly figured out the plastic protectors on that scapular stuck to the skin!]

I went to Mass (EF form) this morning. And it is always nice when we have a feast day for Our Lady. I especially liked the Introit, Collect, Offertory, Secret, Communion and Post Communion for this feast, and the Epistle was wonderful. But I'd really love to slap whomever decided this gospel was a good one for the day. Luke (11: 27-28) -- the one where the woman says "blessed are the paps that gave suck to you and the womb that bore you." I know what the point of Jesus' answer is "yeah, well, blessed are they who hear the word of God...etc." Sounded a little gruff about mom there. Couldn't he have said "YES, she IS blessed, she ROCKS...and also those people who do...." But NOOOOOO.

Jesus, too big for His britches, wouldn't have got His favorite dinner THAT night from me....

Couldn't they have picked a different Marian passage?

It sticks out like a sore thumb. Someone have too much vino the night they put those propers together? Sometimes I wonder about those guys.

Author of Proverbs 31: 10-31 Rocks the Casbah!

Okay, just so I don't sound like an "I hate men" kinda person, by contrast to Paul's hissy fit in Corinthians, I LOVE the Epistle reading that was read this morning at St. Anne's. The all-knowing, all-seeing, clairvoyant Fr. G. must have known I needed an antidote to Paul, so he had chosen to do the Mass for St. Anne, as there was "nothing on" otherwise, and it's more fun to do a votive Mass.

Proverbs 31:10-31 TOTALLY ROCKS. Whatever guy wrote this TOTALLY "GOT IT." Husband and wife as equal members of A TEAM. The virtuous woman essentially has GOD as her inspiration. Her husband revers her for her innate intrinsic qualities. She's smart. She knows a good buy in land that will produce, so she obtains the land. She looks after the household in such a way as to anticipate, their needs. She speaks with wisdom and clemency. In other word's she's HERSELF is reflecting the light of God. She not getting her innate qualities as crumbs that fall off hubby, but that flow from GOD to her. Naturally husband and wife also reflect God to each other--- but it's not like God says "Hey, that bimbo you're married to, she doesn't have the sense I gave Geese, do all her thinking for her, because without you, she isn't worth a box of rocks."

And the STRONG man doesn't fear the strong woman. God is calling the playbook for both of them.

Take the following words and punctuate them:

woman without her man is nothing

Paul would punctuate it:

"Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The guy who wrote that section of proverbs would have been more likely to punctuate it:

"Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Now THERE'S a guy "If I knew he was comin' I'd have baked a cake ♫
" for. Paul can have the stale bag of left over chips, and he's welcome to all the flat beer he can drink. And when he shakes dust from his feet, he should be quick so the door doesn't hit him where God split him.

Don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of Humor

I've always been amused by the story in Luke 24 re: the Risen Jesus and the disciples on the way to Emmaus. Firstly, because I've always wondered what Jesus was doing hiking to the podunk town of Emmaus to begin with, and secondly his exchange with said disciples.

Essentially -

Jesus: So, anything new happening in town?
Cleophas: Geez, man, what have you been living under a ROCK or something?

Jesus HAD to have been laughing inside when he said that.

It's not a quality to scriptures directly attribute to Jesus, but I think the speakers we are often most attracted most often make their "points" with humor. I'm not saying Jesus was a stand up comedian by any means, but I think he had this human attribute.

I also like his exchange with the Samaritan woman. He knew darn well he was going to grant her request beforehand, but essentially, "Why should I give food to you dogs in preference to the choosen people?" And she said that the children fed the food to the dogs under the table. I can see him laughing and saying "Okay."

Old Testament Liars and Creeps and Maybe Susanna had the last laugh

This morning I'd attended adoration and Mass at St. Anne's. I'd quite forgotten that some times of the year the EF form has quite lengthy readings. [For the daily Mass during the week outside of special seasons, the Mass goer generally suffers from a paucity of readings, but they go "big time" during Lent.]

Today the first reading was the one where the virtuous Susanna is just trying to get a private bathe in the water in her husband's orchard behind the gates, away from it all - and it turns out two judges have been watching her and waiting for when she's alone. They try and blackmail her: "lie with us" or we'll say we saw you getting it on with some strapling youth, and they'll condemn you to death. She doesn't bite, damned if she does, damned if she doesn't. But she doesn't submit to these creeps, and prays to the Lord for deliverance, Then she is condemned to death with no evidence, because the jury believes the witness of the creeps. All of a sudden, Daniel, apparently the one Jewish guy in the town with a brain, isn't buying it. He has the perps separated and questions them in turn (after insulting each) "Well, sparky, what KIND of tree were they doing it under?" Each comes up with a different answer -- the two judges are the ones that end up being executed. [I'm going to look up "mastic" and "holm" because I have NO idea what kind of trees those are.]

Well, now to the point. Some time ago a nun I know said it's always good to try and read scripture as if you are reading that particular passage for the 1st time. See if you can think of some angle you never thought of before.

It occurs to me:

1) Wouldn't it have been bad if the two judges had both randomly picked the same kind of tree?
(Which tells me that that orchard had to have a great variety of trees! IF I go to an orange grove, for instance, it wouldn't take the amazing Kreskin to guess "orange."]


2) Why does Daniel call the first guy a liar, even before he gives the answer, and doesn't wait until it's compared to the second guy's answer?


3) If he DID know he was a liar beforehand (otherwise he wouldn't have insulted him) how COULD he have known that Susanna really was telling the truth?

UNLESS....

Susanna had dismissed her maids because she DID want to meet with Daniel for a tryst, and these two creeps hadn't seen him. Maybe she's had the last laugh all along.

JUST KIDDING.....really. I'm SURE she was virtuous, but these things do strike me as odd.

But what a raw deal women got then under the ancient Jews as compared to Christianity (and Islam, etc. for that matter.) In the last few years the Pakistanis had allowed a woman to be raped as a payback for something a member of her family did.

Contrast to the Gospel reading. The woman who was sleeping around was brought before Jesus, and the enemies of Jesus try to get Him to condemn her. Instead He points out that they all have sinned (when I was a youngster, our nun speculated to us that some say Jesus was writing their sins on the ground) -- they leave. Some take this to mean that He let her off -- well, He did the stoning, but He still told her to "sin no more."

Christianity cuts women a better deal in every way. [Except for odd outbursts from Paul, but let me not go there.] Jesus ALWAYS stuck up for the ladies. Especially even telling His own male disciples to take a hike whenever they whinned that He was wasting his time on women and or children.

One question Jesus....

....yes, yes, I know that today's Gospel reading (Matthew 20:1-15) with the parable with the guys sitting on their duffs until almost the end of the day but gradually coming on board and getting with the program, we're supposed to cast ourselves as the ones who are late to the party but for whom the master pays as if we had worked the full day.

But who's going to show up for work the next day at the crack of dawn? Granted God's ways are not our ways, and that's a relief, because it's to our advantage. But I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that that was the last day of the job!

The Moses get Together

Of all the happenings in the New Testament, today's gospel one of my favorite stories because it is so puzzling. Why in the heck would Jesus be taking time out of his busy day to have a chat with Moses and Elijah? I also pity St. Andrew a little. Suppose you had an older brother, you saw your boss-to-be first and told your brother about Him....who does the Boss like best? Big brother.

Consider the scene after the resurrection and the apostles are kicking around old memories about Jesus.

James: Hey, and then there was the time Moses and Elijah appeared. Man, Peter, you should have seen the look on your face, I thought you were going to run in six different directions at once!

Peter: Yeah, well you weren't looking in the pink of health either, and you tried to hide behind John and me.

James: How could I hide "behind you" guys... you were dumbstruck, lying prostrate, thinking you'd seen a ghost.

Peter: WE DID! Two, in fact.... we left you enough room in the ditch to pile right on top of us, what are you bitching about?

Andrew: How come *I* never heard about that?

Peter: He told us not to tell anyone "the vision we'd seen" until later.

Andrew: So what did Moses and Elijah and Jesus talk about?

Peter: How the heck do we know? It was in ancient Hebrew from centuries ago, do I LOOK like I would understand that stuff? Well, actually, I think I DO know, but I'm not telling because then centuries from now people will be wondering and it's always nice to have a secret that no one knows about except me, James and John.

Andrew: You're not even going to tell your own flesh and blood?

Peter: Hell, no.

Andrew: Still, how come *I* never got to go along to any of the really cool inner circle stuff?

Peter: I told you when we were growing up, you're just not that cool. Hey, pop wanted it that way!

Andrew: Isn't that a line from the Godfather?

Peter: Yeah, so? Mom and dad liked me best too.

Andrew: No kidding. I wanted a bicycle. You got a bike. All I got were Lincoln logs. With termites.

Peter: Isn't that a line from the Smother's Brothers?

Andrew: Yeah, so bite me!

Peter: Keep that up and I'll let the rest of the apostles know how often you wet the bed when you were little!

Andrew: Yeah, well at least I didn't have a crush on Sarah the butcher's daughter.

Peter: I did NOT have a crush on her.

Andrew: Did too.

Peter: Did not. BTW, you were adopted!

Andrew: Was not.

Peter: Was too. You don't even look like us.

Andrew: Do too.

Peter: Do not. The police brought you to our house one day and told us to keep you, unless you were bad, then we could send you back to the police. The police are your mother and father.

Andrew: Isn't that a line from Bill Cosby?

Peter: Yeah, so bite me!
.

Epiphany

I hope one of the wise men also had a stash of Vicodin for the Blessed Mother.



This particular baby Jesus is a little big compared to the other figures. During this Christmas season, I've been musing off and on re: those present for the birth, and those early visitors. The gospel today was highly theological, tying up all the bits of Old Testament foretelling of the birth of Jesus. A rather neat bundle.

But what I wonder about was: who actually did the delivery? Usually that wasn't "men's work" - I wonder if the innkeeper's wife, or friend thereof delivered the baby. How privileged to be the first person on earth, besides Mary to touch God incarnate.

Did the Holy Spirit guide Joseph to that particular "inn where there was no room?" Think of the primitive conditions of birth. Babies and mothers still can die in childbirth, even in modern times. Many people who do genealogy are struck by how often there is a second wife, and sometimes a third. Not because of divorce - but because a woman died during a birth or shortly after. I'm thinking the Holy Spirit had Mary near the most competent person around to deliver that particular Baby - and helped the Blessed Mother afterwards.

Salute to Saint Luke

there is something special about all the gospels, and I think I love them each in their own unique way - my favorite aspect of this evangelist is that he has so much unique material - of the 3 synoptic gospels his is the longest and approximately 40+ percent of it is not found in Mark or Matthew. Luke has about a number of parables and miracles not found in the other two, plus his stories surrounding the birth of Christ are exquisite. Luke, bless him, gives "the ladies" and other social outcasts their due. His slant on the gospel plus his Acts of the Apostles gives him a special place in my heart. There's a lot of joy of life in Luke's works.

And a very happy birthday today too to my friend Kathy P.!

Okay, I've got to read all of KINGS from start to finish

I'm about to leave for Mass shortly, so I thought it would be useful to take a look at today's readings. [I'm the lector.] I have to say I do not read the Old Testament in my personal life with as much frequency as I read the New Testament. I noted the story in 2 Kings 5 today, about Naaman being cured of leprosy. I was curious about "the refused gifts" aspect of the story and decided it a good idea to look at the whole story in context.

It's always fun to try and guess why certain bits of the story are left out. I expect "the powers that be" decided perhaps it wasn't particularly useful to mention that Elisha nailed his servant Gehazi (and Gehazi's descendants!) with leprosy for going after Naaman asking for some of the gifts he'd offered. Like Elisha's not going to notice Gehazi has suddenly acquired a couple of new festal garments or the fact that his servant has the latest Playstation.

Bad idea to mess around with a prophet!

Update: Msgr. gave the context of the 1st reading. Bless his heart. Great sermon too tying the gratitude aspects of the 1st reading with the gospel. Father also said that we should be grateful for our faith, parents, country, "GOOD" politicians, those in our armed forces, teachers, doctors too - but most of all the Holy Spirit. [I notice he was careful to stress the word "good" in the phrase "good politicians" - thereby cutting the bad ones from the herd.]
.

Cut That Out, Guys!

I'm serious, I really mean it this time

I LOVED all the readings today - one of the times where all three of the readings are about the same topic - i.e. forgiveness. I got a particular charge out of the Old Testament reading.

There's something very raw and appealing about the God of Exodus:

God: What's going on down there? I save your backsides from slavery in Egypt and your home boys are making moulten calves, yucking it up, jazzing around without a THANK YOU to Me? These people are IMBECILES.

That's it, I've HAD it with those jerks, get out of here Moses, I am going to wipe those so-and-sos out just like I did those guys back in Sodom and Gomorrah. Stay out of my way and you won't get hurt.

Moses: No, wait, DON'T DO IT. You remember ... you PROMISED Abraham that his descendants would be "as numerous as the stars" - have a heart, willya?

God: You were taking notes? I must have had a weak moment, are you sure?

Moses: Got it right here on my digital voice recorder.

God: You have those now?

Moses: Well, yeah, but my brother Aaron doesn't. Don't tell him either, cuz he'll want one too.

[These last few verses got lost, but I saw them in a "vision."]

**
On a more serious, and joyful note, be sure to catch mulier-fortis's post re: her return to the church. I often feel God gives us "signs" all the time -- it's amazing how many times I've had events happen on particular days when a certain feast was celebrated, or the readings particularly applied to a difficult situation and lent insight. It's more than serendipity, I'm sure.