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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

5 Critically Named Movies I Detest Meme


Mac at mulier-fortis tagged me on this one. Like her, I don't see many movies I think I'd dislike, BUT there are a few, sometimes against one's better judgment that you see and say: "There's "X" minutes of my life I will never have back." One's supposed to pick 5, but if you feel the need...go ahead and add more. You don't have to say WHY you disliked the movie, but it's fun.


1. 2001 A Space Odyssey. An ape staring at a monolith. Right. God knows why I saw this when I was 14. (It was in its 2nd release then.) I don't like sci-fi as a rule of thumb. Real life is a pain in the kazoo often enough without making up "other worlds" with weird crap like apes staring at monoliths. I'd have walked out but IIRC it was summer and I lived in the San Fernando Valley at the time and if it's a choice between air conditioning and bleeding from my eyes, on some days I'll chose the A/C whilst bleeding from the eyes. Maybe it was the pool man's day to come over to clean the pool and I had to cool off somewhere. That WAS the only theatre in my walking distance. I'm sure it was two trips to the popcorn stand. This was back when they used real butter.

2. The Hours -- How bad can a movie with Meryl Streep be? Meryl, you evil witch with a capital "B" - I know you have bills to pay like other people, but WHY? Is it possible to hate every single character in a movie? I did, including you... not to mention the director, the "best boy," the key grip....I don't remember if there was a "Wrangler" or not, but if there was I hate him too. Craft Services should have poisoned the whole bloody lot of you and then drunk hemlock.

3. American Beauty -- Gee, the general's a rightwing murdering cretin. How novel. We never saw that coming you long haired maggot infested pot smoking FM music types..... I bet you even have commie flags tacked up on the wall inside of your garage..

4. The Green Mile - Because. It RUINED watching the Fred Astaire Dancing Cheek to Cheek number. I wanted that guy to fry just because of that. Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno.

5. A Chorus Line -- I don't know if this qualifies, because only the stupidest of critics would acclaim this rape of one of the best Broadway shows ever written. If ever the station in life of empress devolves upon me, I will decree that every last copy of this movie be gathered up and consigned to Davey Jone's Locker, after it's been vaporized by a Death Ray Gun from some creepy sci-fi movie. I'll decree that right after issuing the ukase that any parent who allows anyone under the age of 13 (I'm being generous here) to record the message on the family answering machine message will be summarily shot.

I tag:

Esther
, Archangel's Pulpit, Kit, La Mamma, and Fr. Stretch. (And if you're itching to do this and haven't been tagged, feel free..)

9 comments:

Esther said...

Mahalo Karen. Now, I don't have to tag myself ;-)

DigiHairshirt said...

Karen, I couldn't do this meme because I pretty much enjoy all movies. But then, to me things like "Slapshot" is a masterpiece.

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Thanks Karen..I'm a bit lazy these days!

Stephen said...

I'm not going to nominate "A Chorus Line" - one, because you did it for me, and two, because nobody liked it!

OK.

1. "Match Point" - acclaimed in North America, but not in the UK, where it (justifiably) received a critical drubbing. Woody Allen can't write British characters. The social stratification of London is a major plot point, and he gets it absolutely wrong. It's appalling.

2. "Star Wars" - and I don't mean any of the recent ones. I thought it was stupid when I was six. I haven't changed my mind in the intervening nearly 30 years.

3. "Brigadoon". Where to start about what's wrong with this one? My biggest problem is the strong sense I get of the urbane Alan Jay Lerner writing down to his simple rural characters. It's quite obvious that he'd never in his life been within 300 miles of Scotland. And the film as a whole is so sickly-sweet that it could induce diabetes.

4. Hamlet - the Kenneth Branagh one. It took me a long time to pluck up the courage to watch this, having been scarred by Mr. Branagh's uninspiring performance in an uninspiring and very long production at the RSC. This film is also very long. GOD it's long. Which wouldn't be a problem if Mr. Branagh's direction or performance was any good, but they're not. There's also the stunt-casting - Billy Crystal, Ken Dodd - but basically what I hate about this film boils down to Mr. Branagh's bland direction, Mr. Branagh's bland performance, and the fact that the whole thing was four hours of my life that flew by like a decade.

5. "Angela's Ashes". I actually walked out of the cinema. I can't STAND films that sentimentalise poverty.

Entropy said...

I ain't even got a garage you can call home and ask my wife!

ArchAngel's Advocate said...

Done

swissmiss said...

I guess I don't feel so bad now that I haven't seen any of these. We do have the music to 2001, but I've only ever seen the opening with the chimps or monkeys or whever they were then turned it off (it was on TV).

I think a lot my dislike of movies has to do with my dislike of the actors themselves. I could never watch a Streisand movie because she drives me crazy.

gemoftheocean said...

Entropy, I was wondering who would pick up on that! :-D

Swiss == the one movie I kinda like with Babs is "What's up Doc?" With Ryan O'Neal. Early 70s. Before she got into her known "fathead" stage.

Ebeth said...

You are sooo funny! I couldn't do reviews half as good as you have here! I haven't laughted to hard!

Thanks and Hugs!

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