Wednesday, April 2, 2008
5 Critically Named Movies I Detest Meme
Mac at mulier-fortis tagged me on this one. Like her, I don't see many movies I think I'd dislike, BUT there are a few, sometimes against one's better judgment that you see and say: "There's "X" minutes of my life I will never have back." One's supposed to pick 5, but if you feel the need...go ahead and add more. You don't have to say WHY you disliked the movie, but it's fun.
1. 2001 A Space Odyssey. An ape staring at a monolith. Right. God knows why I saw this when I was 14. (It was in its 2nd release then.) I don't like sci-fi as a rule of thumb. Real life is a pain in the kazoo often enough without making up "other worlds" with weird crap like apes staring at monoliths. I'd have walked out but IIRC it was summer and I lived in the San Fernando Valley at the time and if it's a choice between air conditioning and bleeding from my eyes, on some days I'll chose the A/C whilst bleeding from the eyes. Maybe it was the pool man's day to come over to clean the pool and I had to cool off somewhere. That WAS the only theatre in my walking distance. I'm sure it was two trips to the popcorn stand. This was back when they used real butter.
2. The Hours -- How bad can a movie with Meryl Streep be? Meryl, you evil witch with a capital "B" - I know you have bills to pay like other people, but WHY? Is it possible to hate every single character in a movie? I did, including you... not to mention the director, the "best boy," the key grip....I don't remember if there was a "Wrangler" or not, but if there was I hate him too. Craft Services should have poisoned the whole bloody lot of you and then drunk hemlock.
3. American Beauty -- Gee, the general's a rightwing murdering cretin. How novel. We never saw that coming you long haired maggot infested pot smoking FM music types..... I bet you even have commie flags tacked up on the wall inside of your garage..
4. The Green Mile - Because. It RUINED watching the Fred Astaire Dancing Cheek to Cheek number. I wanted that guy to fry just because of that. Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno.
5. A Chorus Line -- I don't know if this qualifies, because only the stupidest of critics would acclaim this rape of one of the best Broadway shows ever written. If ever the station in life of empress devolves upon me, I will decree that every last copy of this movie be gathered up and consigned to Davey Jone's Locker, after it's been vaporized by a Death Ray Gun from some creepy sci-fi movie. I'll decree that right after issuing the ukase that any parent who allows anyone under the age of 13 (I'm being generous here) to record the message on the family answering machine message will be summarily shot.
Esther, Archangel's Pulpit, Kit, La Mamma, and Fr. Stretch. (And if you're itching to do this and haven't been tagged, feel free..)