In my Dreams - aka: Ideally, this is how the Dow Recovers

Dow hits 5500: 5 or 6 Jewish people start to bad mouth Nobama.
Dow hits 5000: People who didn't bother to vote who are starting to lose their jobs start shooting the finger at people with Obama stickers.
Dow hits 4500: Crissy Matthews of PMSNBC, having no stamina, has a major melt down, and is hauled off to the funny farm. Even liberals laugh, because face it - no one likes a panty waist.
Dow hits 4000: People start to throw bricks through car windows of people who still have Obama stickers on their cars
Dow hits 3500: Secret service starts resigning in droves, because no one wants to protect Nobama
Dow hits 3000: Keith Oberman gets up off his knee pads. Claims he never supported Obama. His own children spit on him.
Dow hits 2500: Michelle Obama runs off with Jerimiah Wright to Bimini.
Dow hits 2000: White House chef starts getting careless with rat poison, like Prince Youssoupov and his friends, he has trouble with the tea cakes taking effect. Obama gives Rasputin a run for his money
Dow hits 1500: 6% of Black people finally start to diss "The One" up from 5% who saw through the guy from the get-go.
Dow hits 1000: "The One" commits hari-kari
Dow jumps to 14,000 the next day.
Rest of public rounds up remaining Obama supporters and casts them into the freakin' Antarctic
Dow jumps to 20,000

Update: He opened his yap again when the market opened. If you listen closely, you can hear Four Jews in a Room Bitching ♫. (Yes, Stephen, if you're reading that last little bit is especially for you! :-D)